


Moonlit Nightmares: The Rewrite

by Chellendora



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, Rewrite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-08-15
Updated: 2010-08-15
Packaged: 2017-12-31 22:06:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1036911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chellendora/pseuds/Chellendora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lacelin Crill is entering her sixth year at Hogwarts with a terrible secret--she's a werewolf. Upon advice from the Headmaster, she seeks a friendship with Remus Lupin to help her cope with her new self and still attend the school. However, it turns out that the two classmates have had chemistry all along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here it is! The re-write; and I must say, I already like it so much better. I think it shows how much my writing has improved over the past three years--not only in style, but also in my ability to story plan. While I was planning this story, a few ideas for a sequel popped into my head. I may make a Moonlit Nightmares Trilogy. How does that sound to y'all?

Why did I think this would be a good idea? My uncle had told me to stay close to camp once it got dark. But I wanted to see the river under the full moon’s light. I just knew it would be gorgeous.

I couldn’t think of a good excuse to leave the area. Our tent had a bathroom, our fire was magical so it didn’t need wood…I had to wait for everyone to be asleep.

When would I get another chance to see the moon reflected in one of the only unpolluted parts of the Thames?

I was such a fool.

 _Growling.  
Twigs breaking. Leaves snapping and crunching.  
Panting.  
Heart beating. Pain.  
Blurs of color.  
Pleas._  
Help!  
 _Shaking. Shaking.  
A voice.  
My name…?_

My eyes snapped open and focused on the bright green ones of my best friend. She looked worried.

“Are you okay?” she asked, sitting back down across from me.

I glanced around. We were in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express, headed to school. I wasn’t sure when I had dozed off. It was still light outside, and the countryside raced by the window. There was probably still an hour or so before dark, and not long after that we would pull up to the station in Hogsmeade.

“I was just…having a nightmare,” I answered. I wasn’t lying; I really was having a nightmare.

Lily’s brow creased in concern. “What about?” She had never known me to succumb to nightmares before, how would I explain this one?

“Um…” I racked my brain, thinking quickly. “It involved my whole family. I suddenly lost them.” Lily knew that I didn’t get along with my parents; but she did know that I loved my Uncle Howard and his two girls more than anything. Outside of them, I had a grandmother that lived in New York City who ignored us over here on the isle.

Lily, God bless her, gave me a sympathetic smile and patted me on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about that, it was only a dream.” She sat back and looked out the window, her smile widening. “Just think about the feast tonight! We’re about to start our sixth year!”

I smiled, but I couldn’t grin. That, too, left me feeling nauseous. Usually I would be jumping for joy right along with her, but not on this particular train ride. I couldn’t think past this night, it felt like once this night was over my life would just end, no matter how it turned out. I hated that feeling. It was such an irrational feeling, because I knew life would go on.

“C’mon, cheer up!” Lily smiled and picked up the magazine she had been reading earlier. 

I forced a full blown grin onto my face and then turned my attention to my messenger bag. I dug out my current book, _The Eden Express_ , and sat back against the seat. I would just read and hope it could take my mind off of things.

But perhaps reading a book with the subtitle _A Memoir of Insanity_ wasn’t the best choice right now.

***

The Hogwarts Express chugged along down the tracks, and soon darkness fell. By the time Lily and I were changing into our robes my nerves were so frazzled I could barely function.

“Your robe is inside out, Lacelin,” she told me with a small chuckle.

I blinked at her and then looked down at the robe, noticing that the light black material of the interior was definitely on the outside. “Shoot,” I said and went to turn it around.

Lily closed her trunk and latched it, having put her bag inside with her magazine. “I’m so excited about the new year,” she said. She sat next to the trunk on the bench, not wanting to heave it back up on the racks above.

“What are you taking?” I asked, trying to get my mind off the castle growing ever closer.

“Ancient runes, definitely. That was such an interesting class.” But after that, I didn’t hear anything else.

When the train arrived in the station, I followed Lily out to the carriages pulled by…what, I couldn’t guess. I didn’t think they were magically drawn, but I just never had enough interest to look into it. 

It was a short ride up to the castle, one that would seem much longer than normal for me. And when a few of Lily’s other friends showed up, I knew that it would be even longer than that.

Jennifer and Heather never seemed to like me very much, though I got along with Amy all right. Amy was a fellow Quidditch fan, so we at least had that to talk about. The other two girls weren’t just uninterested in Quidditch, they absolutely hated it. It was too dirty for them, I guess. That wasn’t the only reason we didn’t get along, we just rubbed each other the wrong way.

So I sat next to Lily in the carriage, across from Amy. While Jennifer, Heather, and Lily caught up about their summers, Amy and I sat in silence. I preferred it that way; I wasn’t really in the mood for talking.

But Amy broke our silence first. “So who did you root for in the World Cup this year?”

I swallowed and forced myself to be civil. I shouldn’t be rude just because I was nervous. “Ireland National. I really wish England had made it into the finals though.”

Amy nodded. “I rooted for them too. But the United States did better than I expected.”

“Did you go to the Cup?” I asked, temporarily forgetting my problems. I would have given a leg to go to the World Cup.

“No, my father tried to get tickets, but you know how difficult that can be. Plus, since it was in America it was a lot harder to find them here.”

I only nodded in response, and we lapsed back into silence.

We stayed that way until we pulled up to the castle and debarked the carriages. I followed behind Lily by a few steps as she continued her conversation with Jennifer and Heather. Amy had joined in now, talking about her vacation in Wales.

As we walked up the stairs to the Great Hall, we ran into Professor McGonagall going the opposite direction to meet the first years. When she noticed me, she stopped and beckoned for me to come over to her. I pulled myself out of the crowd and walked over, my heart thudding painfully against my chest.

“Miss Crill, Professor Dumbledore wants to speak with you after the feast.” She spoke under her breath so that the passing students wouldn’t overhear. Many were looking on in curious interest.

All I could do was nod; I was beginning to feel numb.

“After the feast, I’ll fetch you and we’ll go to his office together.” She must have noticed how I was feeling, because she laid her hand on my shoulder and gave me a youthful smile. “Don’t worry so much.” And then she was gone with a sweep of her robes.

I followed the last few students into the Great Hall and sat down next to Lily, feeling a little better.

“Where did you go? I turned around to ask you something and you were gone.”

“Professor McGonagall wanted to speak to me.”

Lily blinked, looking curious. “What about?”

I had thought she would ask me as I walked to the table, so I had a story already thought up. “She told me there’s been a scheduling conflict with my classes. She wants to get it straightened out tonight before classes start tomorrow.”

Lily relaxed slightly and smiled. “Well, I’m glad you’re getting it taken care of in time! But that just seems really late to have a meeting.” But she shrugged it off.

“Lacelin!”

I turned to look over the table from me to see that I had sat across from one of my good friends, Jodie Foster. Her chin length brown hair was pushed back from her eyes with plain black clips, and her green eyes were bright with excitement over the new year.

I smiled, it was hard not to in Jodie’s presence. “Hi, Jodie. How was your summer?”

“It was great! I got t’go to th’ World Cup!” Jodie was the most tomboy girl I knew. She always wore Quidditch jerseys and pants that weren’t fitted to her form, which was slender and strong from playing sports all her life. Aside from Quidditch, she also used to play Quodpot. Jodie was originally from the U.S. and had moved to Manchester right before her fourth year at Hogwarts. She had lost a good bit of her Texan accent over the years, but every now and then you would hear it coming out. She also still rooted for their Quidditch team, the Sweetwater All-Stars. 

“Did you really?” I asked, my face brightening. I was definitely jealous. “That’s amazing! How was it?”

She launched into a full account of the entire game, not that I minded. If I didn’t think I was physically weak, I probably would have tried out for the Gryffindor Quidditch team a long time ago. Jodie was the current Keeper, and she was damn good at it, in my opinion. Not only was she a good player, but she was able to put up with James Potter and Sirius Black’s antics; though no one could say they weren’t good players—in more than one game.

The feast went by as it normally would. Everyone talked until the first years were lead into the hall and sorted into their respective houses by the sorting hat, who had already sang his yearly song. (This one had been a bit bland, in my honest opinion.) Afterwards, everyone ate and then Dumbledore stood to say a few words, give his usual warnings about the Forbidden Forest, and then my nerves returned.

The feast was over, and now I was standing outside the Great Hall waiting for Professor McGonagall to emerge and take me to see the Headmaster.

She had told me not to worry, but she was only one of the teachers. It was all up to Headmaster Dumbledore whether I was allowed to stay at school or not.

And if they kicked me out of Hogwarts, where would I go? My own mother and father wouldn’t let me back in their house. They were already disappointed that I wasn’t accepted into Beauxbatons.

“Miss Crill, follow me please.” I turned to see McGonagall standing outside the double doors, waiting for me to notice her. I nodded and followed her through the corridors of the castle.

The walk was long, and we went into parts of the castle I wasn’t familiar with. There were mostly unused classrooms and offices, and I suspected that perhaps the teachers’ living quarters were nearby. 

But when Professor McGonagall stopped, it wasn’t in front of a door. I looked up at her in confusion and she only smiled. We were standing in front of an ugly, large statue of a gargoyle. To my surprise, the professor looked at the gargoyle and said simply, “Cockroach Clusters.”

I watched as the statue turned and began to disappear into the floor. The further down it went, the more it revealed a winding staircase coming from the ceiling. After about a minute, it stopped moving and the staircase was open in front of us.

“Just go to the top of that staircase and knock on the door, Miss Crill,” McGonagall said with a reassuring smile. “I’ll be here to escort you back to Gryffindor Tower.”

I nodded and thanked her before I slowly began to climb the staircase. It was ominous. I had never known where Dumbledore’s office was, I had never even wondered. No one ever got sent to the “principal’s office” at Hogwarts.

I reached the top and came to a mahogany door that simply read “Albus Dumbledore” in gold lettering. I took a deep breath and knocked lightly.

“Come in,” said the Headmaster’s cheerful voice.

He was in a good mood. That was good news, right?

I opened the door and was immediately in awe.

The Headmaster’s office was beautiful. It was circular and in two storeys. The tables and desks sitting along the wall were filled with gadgets that whizzed, smoked, whistled, and some even danced. The stone walls were covered with portraits of all the previous headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts—all of whom were currently asleep against their frames (some snoring quite loudly).

Dumbledore’s large desk sat centered and against the back wall. Behind him two staircases led to the second floor that seemed to lead to his personal library. What did Dumbledore read in his leisure, I wondered?

“Please, have a seat.” He smiled and waved his wand at the floor in front of his desk. An armchair came from the corner of the room and settled on the spot that he indicated. 

Slowly, I walked forward and sat in the plush armchair. It was very comfortable.

“Professor McGonagall tells me you have something you wish to discuss with me,” he said pleasantly.

I swallowed, and could tell by looking at my hands that my skin had gone a few shades paler. I had a light olive complexion, so when I went pale, it was very obvious.

I pushed a strand of black hair from my eyes and looked up at my Headmaster, but I couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Um, sir…I don’t exactly know how to say this…”

“In my experience, I’ve found that just telling the truth is usually a good method.” He smiled at me. Would he still be smiling in a moment?

Didn’t my mother write a letter? She had whisked me onto the train as fast as she could, hoping everything would just be peachy when I spilled the beans. This was hard. I guess there was no easy way to admit it, so I just spit it out: “Over the summer, I was bitten by a werewolf.” I paused to take a deep breath and release it. My heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to break right through my breast bone. “And I was turned.”

Dumbledore’s smile stay plastered to his face, and he didn’t say anything right away.

Was he mocking me? ‘Haha, nice try! Get out!’? I was appalled. What should I do? Should I say something?

He let me suffer for a few more moments before he finally spoke. “Miss Crill, your uncle wrote to me in earnest soon after the incident.” His smile was still friendly. “Many magical establishments turn their backs on Lycans, and I can assure you that Hogwarts is not one of them.”

I was stunned. I closed my mouth when I felt it hanging open. “S-So…I’m not expelled?”

“Of course not.” His smile waned a little. “That said, we do take precautions for the safety of the other students. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to extend such a kindness.”

“Have there been other werewolf students, sir?”

“We’ve had vampires, too.” Dumbledore smiled fully again. “But werewolves, I must admit, are new to us. Our first werewolf student began school here in your class.”

This was news to me. For the past five years I had been going to school with a werewolf? And I hadn’t known? Dumbledore really knew what he was doing then.

“I have, sir?” I didn’t expect him to tell me who, but I definitely was curious.

And I was surprised when he did tell me who. “Yes, Remus Lupin. Do you know him very well?” He paused for only a moment, not really intending on an answer. “He may be a friend worth having in the coming months. It’s very hard for new werewolves to acclimate, I understand. Have you changed yet?”

I shook my head. I hadn’t. My first full moon was quickly approaching. “September Eighteenth will be my first time, sir.” This wasn’t the first time that it struck me how similar changing into a werewolf was to puberty. “Will it hurt?” I nearly whispered.

Dumbledore frowned. “I’m afraid so.”

I gulped.

“Now, we have a lot to discuss on this matter,” he said, “but it’s getting late. I’ll meet with you again before September Eighteenth.” He stood up and I stood, too. We began to walk towards the door. He laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder and said, “Rest assured, Miss Crill, things will be all right. There are precautions and there’s no reason for anyone else to know.

“However,” he added, looking down at me. Was it just me, or was there a twinkle in his eye? “Close friends can do more for one’s spirit than anything else in this world. Good night, Miss Crill.”

I definitely had a lot to mull over for the night and for the next week, most likely.

I met Professor McGonagall at the foot of the stairs and as we walked away, I heard the grinding of stone as the gargoyle statue replaced the stairs. We walked back to Gryffindor Tower in silence. I learned the password for the Portrait of the Fat Lady, and then I parted ways with the professor.

Everyone was already in bed when I reached my dormitory. It was heartening to see my trunk already there, and a soft, warm bed awaiting me. I brushed my teeth, my hair, and changed into my pajamas before climbing under the sheets and falling almost instantly asleep.

* * *


	2. Friendships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this on HPFF as well, but it's taking them ages to validate it. I wanted to wait for the first chapter to be validated there before I posted the second chapter here and on FF.net, but I don't want to wait on them anymore.

I awoke the next morning feeling much lighter than I had in weeks. I wasn’t going to be expelled, and the Headmaster was more than willing to help me with my…problem. Not only that, but I wasn’t alone!

I never would have guessed that Remus Lupin was a werewolf, but now that I did know, I was able to see the signs. I had never really paid it much attention that at least a few days out of each month he didn’t show up for class. I never paid attention to the fact that when he came back, he looked drained. I had always considered him a sickly person, and that was what most other people assumed, too.

I had so many questions I wanted to ask him. What was it like the first time? How painful was it? Did it get better with time? Is there anything I can take for the pain? How long had he been a werewolf before he started at Hogwarts? Did his friends know?

His friends, they were a problem. Our paths crossed occasionally, but only when I was with Lily. It was pretty obvious that James fancied Lily and had for some time, but she didn’t approve of how he acted.

Just before we got out for summer last year, James had seriously humiliated Lily’s friend Severus Snape. He had levitated the Slytherin boy and turned him upside down so that everyone could see his soiled underwear. Lily had stepped in to help, and just ended up getting her head snapped off by Severus as he gathered his things, and his pride, and rushed back into the castle. James hadn’t been very apologetic, and the surrounding crowd had been roaring with laughter. I hated to admit it now, but I had been giggling under my breath.

I wasn’t too fond of the boy myself—after all, he’d ruined Lily’s friendship with Severus that day—but I couldn’t help but laugh at him, nonetheless. He was charming and personable, even if he was mischievous. 

And what girl at Hogwarts _hadn’t_ fantasized about that Sirius Black? He was gorgeous, as far as that went for men. Even I had had my fair share of daydreams while sitting in a class with him.

I shared Divination and Defense Against the Dark Arts with all four boys—James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter (who seemed out of place in that group; he just seemed too sweet to play those petty pranks)—but I did have Potions with only Remus and Peter. Perhaps then would be the best time to talk to him? I could at least ask him to meet me somewhere away from his friends later.

As I got ready for the day, I had my mind made up. Right after Potions I would pull Remus over and ask him to meet me later at the library. The sooner the better, right? The full moon was in only two weeks.

I packed my bag and headed down to the common room, where I saw Lily sitting with Jodie and Amy. At seeing the red head I felt a fist clench in my stomach. Something just wasn’t right about talking to a stranger (I barely knew Remus, after all) about something that I hadn’t even told my best friend.

But Dumbledore’s parting words rang in my head, “ _Close friends can do more for one’s spirit than anything else in this world._ ” I would tell her. I would, but I wanted to get things all straightened out first. Talking to Remus was something the Headmaster had asked me to do, and he would be able to help me along with hiding once a month. This was important.

And plus, what if she pushed me away?

After all, my own mother had.

***

_“You have to understand how your mother feels, Lacelin,” Mr. Richard Crill said from over the top of his copy of the Daily Prophet._

_Lacelin sat across the kitchen table from him, her hands clasped in her lap. Her long black hair was disheveled and pulled back into a messy ponytail. Large, dark bags were under her dark brown eyes, and she just plain looked exhausted. “Why is it me that has to understand? She wasn’t the one bitten by a-a…a werewolf!” She swallowed hard, going a little paler._

_Richard slammed his paper on the table, his own olive complexion losing a few shades. “You watch what you say so freely!” he spat through clenched teeth, his voice barely louder than a whisper._

_Lacelin felt her throat tighten. “I know exactly how she feels. She’s ashamed of me, and so are you!”_

The first day of classes began with one of the best breakfasts I have ever had. But that could be said for just about any of Hogwarts’ meals.

As I dumped some more scrambled eggs onto my plate, Lily looked across the table and asked, “Oh, did you get you schedule fixed last night?”

I nodded, sticking to the story for now, but that lump in my stomach returned. I hated keeping something from her—but this was _my_ big secret, I would tell her on my own terms. “I did. It was no biggie so it only took a few minutes.”

Lily smiled a little and reached over to get some more French toast. “That’s good. What was the problem?”

I stopped in mid bite. I hadn’t thought this far ahead for my story. “Well um…For some reason, Divination was on my schedule multiple times.”

Lily frowned. “That’s bizarre. Come to think of it, it’s not often that anyone has a schedule problem anymore.”

I smiled, albeit a bit sheepishly. “Well, everyone makes mistakes, right?”

To my great relief, Lily only shrugged and we dropped that topic of conversation.

It was getting closer to time for our first class to start—Lily and I had charms together before I split to go to Potions and her to Ancient Runes—when Severus Snape wandered over to the Gryffindor table.

More like glided like a creepy nutter, in my opinion. I had never really liked the boy, but Lily had been fond of him so I kept my opinions to myself. He just was so hard to talk to; the only person he ever showed any kindness to had been Lily, and we all know how quickly he turned on her!

He held a book in his hand. Upon closer inspection I saw that it was _On the Road_ by Jack Kerouac. He presented it to Lily, his body turned towards the doors of the Great Hall, giving the impression that this was to be a quick drop off.

Git.

“I’m returning your book,” he said matter-of-factly. No greeting, no well-to-do, just straight to the point. He had always been like that, though.

“Oh, um…” Lily reached out with both hands and took the book from him. She cradled it to her chest like it was a great treasure. “Thank you. D-Did you enjoy it?”

I had never seen Lily look so nervous to talk to someone before. I looked at her with worry. Her whole posture screamed of her discomfort. She was sitting hunched over the book, holding it tightly with both arms, and by the way she was sitting I could tell she had her knees snapped together. She had tightened up into as much of a ball as she could manage—a defensive position.

“It was interesting,” Severus answered in such a neutral tone I couldn’t tell if he was sincere or not. After that he simply nodded and then walked away, rather quickly. 

“Lily, stop worrying about him. He threw away your friendship; you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know,” she replied, but I could tell by the tone of her voice that she wasn’t comforted or convinced.

I sighed. About that time the bell rang to signal the beginning of the school day. We stood up and headed to our class in silence.

***

I had almost forgotten that I was going to try to speak to Remus after Potions until I made my way to the dungeon classrooms. He was standing outside with everyone else, talking to Peter Pettigrew. I was surprised that boy had been able to achieve the ‘Exceeding Expectations’ Professor Slughorn required to continue the class past one’s fifth year; he had just never seemed very good at the class. Perhaps Remus had helped him—he was one of the only other students that gave Lily a run for her money in the studies department.

I began to get nervous then, and could barely listen to our first lesson. Luckily, Slughorn was feeling under the weather so we repeated our experiment that was required of us during our Potions O.W.L. I had been asked to make a Draught of Peace, which I found very ironic for today.

I remembered the steps perfectly. I found already grinded moonstone in the pantry, along with hellebore syrup, and quickly went to work.

By the time class was almost over, my potion was finished. I called Professor Slughorn over to check my work.

“Draught of Peace? That one was quite popular on the exams last year wasn’t it?” he said, though he sounded wholly uninterested, so I only nodded in response.

He didn’t taste it himself, instead he called over Peter and had him test it. As he took a sip, the boy was trembling—poor thing had never responded well to be directly addressed by a teacher—but after a minute or so, he seemed much calmer. He didn’t seem more confident (he still practically ran away when Slughorn dismissed him), but he had stopped shaking.

“Very good, Miss Crill,” Slughorn said without enthusiasm and then moved on to the next student.

While his back was turned to me, I dipped some of the potion out of the cauldron and took a sip. Then after a moment’s hesitation, I took a gulp.

I immediately felt warm. All my nerves began to iron out, and I was standing taller. I didn’t think I could tackle anything, but I was certainly more willing to try.

When the bell rang throughout the castle to signal the end of class, I slung the strap of my bag over my shoulders and strode straight over to the table where Remus and Peter were gathering their things.

They looked up, mildly surprised to see me there.

“Remus? Can I ask you a question?” I asked before either could say anything.

“Um, sure,” he replied, looking uncertain. Peter was looking on with wide, curious eyes.

“Alone, please,” I said with an apologetic smile to Peter.

“Of course,” he said and hurriedly picked up his bag. “I’ll see you at lunch, Remus.” He scurried from the almost empty classroom. Slughorn was even already gone.

It couldn’t have been more perfect if I had planned it. “This isn’t the time to talk about it,” I began, glancing around to make sure I hadn’t missed anyone, “I would really appreciate it if you would meet me some time later to talk.”

“What about?” he asked, looking curious and now just a tad bit nervous.

“Er—it’s a secret. Will you meet me at the library tonight? Say around…six?”

Remus was silent for a moment while he mulled it over in his head, but finally he just nodded. “All right, I’ll see you then.”

I smiled brightly. “Thanks! I’ll see you around.” With that said and done, I left the classroom and headed towards the Great Hall were Lily and Jodie were surely waiting for me.

It wasn’t until lunch was almost over that I realized what Remus probably thought I wanted to talk to him about. I blanched, almost spitting out the steamed carrot I had in my mouth. What if he thought I fancied him? My swig of the Draught of Peace had worn off and now I was nervous all over again. I was getting really tired of this feeling!

***

_“If anyone finds out, you’ll lose all of your friends. You probably won’t even have a chance to tell anyone, they’ll suspend you from Hogwarts for sure.”_

_Lacelin was trying to ignore her mother, but Patricia Crill stood over the girl’s bed, her arms crossed over her chest, looking straight ahead of her at the Wimbourne Wasps poster on her daughter’s wall. She had always disapproved of her daughter’s interest in the sport—sports were for men._

_“Not only that, but even if they let you finish school you still won’t be able to get a job, no matter how good your marks are. So why does it even matter?”_

_“It matters to me, mother,” Lacelin said in a neutral, almost bored, tone. This was not the first time she was hearing this spiel._

_Patricia sighed and put her forehead in her pal, the other hand grasping the elbow of that arm. “This is a disaster.”_

_“I didn’t want to get bitten, mother.”_

_“Really? Then why did you disobey your uncle?” Patricia glared at her daughter. She then scoffed and turned to leave the room. “He should be responsible for you now, not me.”_

_I wish that he was, Lacelin thought to herself as her mother practically slammed the door behind her. The girl rolled over on her bed and buried her face into her pillow, and cried._

Fifteen minutes till six, I made the excuse of needing a book to Lily and Jodie and then headed out of the common room. I took some parchment and my Potions book with me to make it look like I was going to work on an assignment, but I already knew I wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough to actually work on anything—not that we actually had any homework anyway.

I found a table within view of the entrance to the library and sat down. So that Madam Pince wouldn’t think I was suspicious, I opened my potions book to the first chapter and began to read, using my parchment to take notes. That way I just looked like a studious student seeking quiet.

After a while, I checked my watch. It was 6:05. Okay, so he was five minutes late? That was no big deal. He might not be able to tear himself away from his friends.

Another five minutes passed by, and my resolve started to dissipate, but I held fast to my theory that he couldn’t get away from his friends.

By 6:30, I had almost a foot of notes from my Potions book and my hand was cramping. I sat back in my chair and looked around.

So I had been right. He thought I fancied him, and he chickened out. He must not have wanted to have to turn me down.

Other than Sirius, I hadn’t really fancied anyone else at the school. But it still hurt to come to the realization that I wasn’t liked, at least not liked enough to deserve a proper turning down.

With a heavy sigh, I gathered up my things and left the library, forgetting to check out a book like I had told Lily and Jodie I was going to do. I just wasn’t in the mood to keep my cover solid.

When I reached the bottom of the changing staircases, I was hailed from behind.

I turned around to see Professor McGonagall heading towards me. My heart dropped. Why had it even crossed my mind that it could have been Remus? The voice had definitely been female.

“Hello, Professor,” I greeted, trying to sound more enthusiastic than I felt.

“Good evening, Miss Crill,” the professor said. “The Headmaster asked me to set up a date for you to meet with him. How does tomorrow directly after your last class sound?”

I only nodded. “That’s all right. Do I need to come find you?”

She nodded. “I’ll be in the Transfiguration classroom, just come by once you’re finished in class and I’ll escort you to the Headmaster’s office.”

I nodded again in confirmation. We exchanged good evenings and then went our separate ways. I trudged my way into the common room, which was full of students who hadn’t received homework on their first day back and were now chattering and being loud. I was able to sneak through the crowd up to the dorms, glad to find my room empty. I would just have to get my things from downstairs the next morning. At that moment, I just wanted to go to bed.

* * *


	3. Fear

Remus standing me up apparently bothered me more than I thought. I slept a restless night, constantly tossing, turning, and waking at least once an hour. I finally woke up around six and decided to give up. I got ready as quietly as I could so as not to wake any of my dorm mates, and then I headed down to the common room.

I sat and stared into the empty fireplace, letting my mind wander where it wanted. I was in a haze of exhaustion, so it couldn’t focus on but one thing at a time. I thought about class, I wondered when the first Quidditch game would be, but I mostly thought about Remus and tried to grasp a reason why he would have left me hanging last night.

After some time I heard someone coming down the stairs. I turned my head to look.

My stomach flopped over when I saw that it was none other than Remus Lupin. Upon seeing me he stopped, and I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. After a moment, he approached me.

I involuntarily tensed.

“Lacelin?” He stood before me uncertainly.

“Good morning,” I said more formally than I intended.

He glanced behind him before he took a seat on the couch adjacent to my armchair. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped between them. Once he was situated he began to speak. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to the library last night.”

He paused; probably expecting me to say something. I didn’t. I wanted to hear his explanation. 

He swallowed, my silence obviously unnerving him even more than he already was. “I didn’t come because I couldn’t get away from James and Sirius. I figured what you wanted to tell me was private.”

So what I had suspected was true, unless this was an excuse. It was no great secret that a lot of pranks by the four were prepared at night. I suddenly wondered if I should trust Remus with my secret.

Did his friends know he was a werewolf? They seemed like the type to ridicule someone for it. Of course, I didn’t know them very well at all.

Regardless of whether I told Remus or not, come September eighteenth he would know. So, to get it over with…

“I wasn’t going to ask you out,” I said. Was it just me or did he relax a little? “I have something else to tell you. Dumbledore suggested I talk to you.”

I saw the light click on behind his eyes. Remus was a sharp one; I wouldn’t be surprised if he already knew what I was talking about.

“This isn’t the time or place,” he said as students began to come down the stairs. I nodded to show my agreement. “Library, six o’clock?”

I nodded again and he stood to go, but not before he gave me a small smile.

I felt my cheeks tingle as I headed back upstairs to get my bag.

***

_Lacelin stood in front of her full length mirror in nothing but her undergarments. She unwound the bandage from around her waist and slowly turned around. Once the bandage was unwrapped, she looked over her shoulder so that she could see her back in the mirror._

_Level with her waist, favoring the left side, was a large bite mark. Puncture wounds made the shape of the jaws, and they were starting to scab over. The whole surrounding area was a sickly yellowish bruise. The twisting of her body so that she could see was irritating the mark, so she twisted back around and grabbed the antiseptic from her dresser. She applied it gingerly to the wound, her elbow sticking up awkwardly as she tried to reach behind her. She then reapplied the bandage and turned to get dressed for the day._

_She sighed. What was the use of treating the wound? The doctor her uncle had called out from St. Mungo’s had said that it would leave a nasty scar—and that she was definitely a werewolf._

We had a writing assignment in Potions that day. When I was finished, I pulled out my textbook and went to the index. First I searched for the term “werewolf,” but all that showed up were poisons that were particularly potent to werewolves.

I blanched. That’s not what I wanted to see. I guess I was in denial; I didn’t want to face the truth of how the Wizarding population felt about…my _kind_. After a moment of thought, I turned back a few pages to look for “pain.” There were a few potions here that I could possibly use to lessen the pain of transformation. Would it be enough? Would it even work? What if certain pain preventing potions didn’t work on werewolves?

I figured it would be worth it to try. I couldn’t very well ask Professor Slughorn about it…or could I? How many of the staff knew? Certainly Dumbledore didn’t keep it a secret all to himself. But then there was the problem of someone overhearing me and jumping to conclusions—conclusions that, I fear, would be right.

I dog-eared a few different potions I wanted to try as Professor Slughorn tapped his wand on the table and announced the end of the time he had allotted us to finish the assignment. I closed my book and stood to take my parchment to his desk.

***

“Do you want to go to the library after class to work on the essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts?” Lily asked me at lunch.

I had my current novel open next to my plate. I was about to just nod yes when I remembered that I had a previous appointment. “Er—I can’t. I have to…meet Professor McGonagall.”

Lily looked confused. “What for?”

“Um…Well…” I had to think fast. What would she want to see me for? “Transfiguration. She says she has some books that might interest me.” Liar!

“Oh…well, how about afterwards?”

I nodded without even thinking first. “Sure. I’ll meet you there?”

Lily just nodded and smiled, and we went back to our lunches.

After class I said good-bye to Jodie and Lily and I headed towards the Transfiguration classroom. Professor McGonagall was still there, speaking to a scared looking first year.

“…with some practice I think everything will be fine, Manny.”

The terrified boy nodded and then scurried from the classroom. I stepped aside to avoid being plowed through.

“Miss Crill, good timing.” Professor McGonagall was straightening up her already tidy desk. Once she was satisfied, she walked to the back of the room where I stood. “Punctuality is a good trait, whether it be for school, work, or everyday life.”

I gave a small smile at the compliment, but didn’t say anything.

“Let’s make sure you’re punctual for Dumbledore as well, shall we?”

I nodded and we left the room. Reminiscent of the first day, I followed the professor through the corridors less traveled. It wasn’t long before I was once again climbing the stairs to Headmaster Dumbledore’s office.

The door was open already so I knocked on the door frame. The Headmaster looked up from his parchment, and after adjusting his half-moon spectacles, he smiled at me. “Miss Crill, please come in and have a seat.”

I walked in and sat my bag by the armchair before sitting down.

We sat in silence for a few minutes while Dumbledore finished his work. After signing one last piece of parchment, he put everything away, and then clasped his hands on his desktop. “So, I guess we should get down to business.”

I smiled to show I was willing.

“Have you talked to Remus?”

I shook my head. “No, sir. But I’m meeting with him tonight.”

“Good, good…I have a feeling he will be distraught for your situation.” That made me feel bad. I thought that he might be happy to have someone else with the same problem. Misery loves company, right?

“But anyway, I’ll go over the regular procedures with you.” He adjusted himself in his big, comfy chair and then looked at me over his spectacles. “On the afternoon of the full moon, you’ll go to the Hospital Wing. You will spend a couple of days away from your dormitory, so bring whatever work or books you have and a change of clothing. Your teachers, of course, will excuse you.

“Before it gets dark, Madam Pomfrey will lead you to the Whooping Willow, where she will immobilize it. You will follow Remus through the tunnel under the tree to the Shrieking Shack.”

I froze. “The Shrieking Shack!”

Dumbledore chuckled. “I had that built for the sole purpose of giving Remus a place to go when he changes. The shrieking people hear is the wolf.”

I swallowed. Oh wow…

“Any questions?”

I shook my head. “No, I understand.” My heart was beating against my chest. This was going to be horrible, I could just tell. I was hoping Dumbledore locked us in one of the old dungeon rooms or something, but I guess that was just too close to the students. But how would that rickety old shack keep a werewolf in? Was that even the point? 

I left with a heavy mind, and numbly walked towards the common room. But before I went inside, I stood on the staircase and watched the moving pictures. It was soothing, losing myself in their worlds for a few moments. After a while, I felt calm and my heart rate was back to normal. I trusted myself to enter the common room.

I found Jodie curled up on the couch, nodding off over her Charms book. When I sat down next to her she jerked awake.

“Hey!” she said enthusiastically. Then she looked confused. “I thought you were at the library with Lily?”

I slapped my palm to my forehead. “Crap!” And out the portrait hole I went like a bolt of lightning.

“Sorry, Lily!” I hissed as I slid into a seat across from her. She only waved her hand at me, too busy writing. She was apparently on a roll, because she was scribbling away as fast as she possibly could; only stopping to dip her quill in the ink sitting open in front of her.

While she got her ideas out, I pulled my book from my bag along with my quill, ink, and some unused parchment. I was just getting to the chapter that supposedly had information I needed when Lily finally stopped writing. She sat back with a huff, breathing as though she just ran a marathon.

I stared at her. “Are you okay?”

“I had an epiphany!” She laughed. “Everything just suddenly clicked and I had to get it down before I forgot.”

I shook my head at her, but I was smiling nonetheless. After a few questions, we settled into a comfortable silence and I began working on my paper.

It wasn’t until Remus Lupin walked in that I remembered our meeting. I panicked, and I could tell Lily was worried about something. I must have been sitting there with a shocked expression on my face, staring straight at Remus who looked confused. He was probably wondering why on earth Lily was with me.

I had totally forgotten! Now what did I do?

“Um…I’ll be right back, Lily,” I said shakily, closing up my stuff but standing and leaving it there. “I need to talk to Remus about something…” I trailed off and hurried through the bookshelves, waving my hand in a gesture for him to follow.

He must have hesitated, but he joined me deep within the library soon. Lily didn’t follow me, but I would have to think of something to tell her when I got back.

“Okay, I have to be quick. Lily is suspicious.”

Remus looked surprised. “She doesn’t know?”

Now I was surprised. “No…why would she?”

Remus shrugged. “I thought you two were best friends. I thought you would have told her before just about anybody.”

I chewed on my lip. Yes, that’s normally what would have happened. But this just seemed so _big_ …Then it occurred to me. “Wait, you know what I’m talking about, right?”

“I believe so,” Remus said slowly and I could tell he didn’t want to be the one to say it.

“I’m a werewolf,” I said with certainty, the first time I was actually confident about that statement. I knew for a fact that Remus was a werewolf. He couldn’t judge me, and he couldn’t try to lie to me.

He lost a lot of color all of a sudden. I could see the small white scars all over his face much more easily, and I wondered why I had never noticed them before. I guess I just never got close enough. Would I have scars like that too?

I swallowed. “I haven’t changed yet.”

Now he looked sympathetic. “I’m so sorry.” He sounded so sincere, and so…sad. It kind of broke my heart.

I shrugged to brush it off. It definitely wasn’t what I wanted, but there was no changing it now. I needed to get this out and get back to Lily.

“Dumbledore suggested that I maybe talk to you about it…He’s already briefed me on what to do when a full moon comes.”

The words “full moon” obviously caused him psychological pain. I had never noticed how frail Remus seemed. Not as in he looks like I could break him in half, just beaten. Tired, worn out. 

I suddenly felt a lot closer to him. I still barely knew him, other than the obvious things: being smart, always being with Sirius, James, and Peter, that he’s pretty cute…

Okay, stop that, Lacelin. “I have questions.” I had a lot, but I didn’t have time to ask them. “But, I need to get back to Lily…”

Remus nodded, and gave me a small smile. “We can meet up again some other time.”

“Tomorrow night? Maybe at the Pitch?” The library didn’t seem safe anymore.

Remus nodded in agreement. I smiled. “Okay, good. Thank you so much, Remus. I really appreciate this.”

He gave me a genuine, if not sad, smile. “You’re welcome, but I honestly wish I wasn’t having to.”

And I understood what he meant, and the sentiment struck home. I felt the lump form in my throat, so I could only croak a farewell before I hurried back to join Lily at our table.

“What was that all about?” Lily asked. She was wearing her “I’m suspicious” face.

“Don’t worry about it. Just needed to ask him something about Potions.” I gave her a big, cheesy grin and then immediately went back to work. She stared at me for a moment, and then watched Remus as he left the library. I noticed he quickened his stride to get past our table. I got an image of Lily jumping out of her chair and tackling him, demanding answers.

I started giggling and Lily stared at me. “You are so strange…”

* * *


	4. Secrets

I knew it wouldn’t be long before Lily asked me why I had whisked Remus away into seclusion at the library. It was obvious I was hiding something from her, and I feared that would hurt her feelings.

But as I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling in thought, something occurred to me: If I tell Lily my secret, then that would essentially out Remus as well. To explain my sudden interest in him I would have to tell her that he was a werewolf and therefore needed his advice.

Remus’s secret was not mine to tell. I suspected that James, Sirius, and Peter knew. It would explain why they’re protective of him. It would also explain why he was never an object of their trickery.

I also suspected that Remus wouldn’t tell them about me. I can’t claim to know him well, but he seems to be the type to not gossip. And even if he was, the magnitude of my secret should stop him.

By the time the moon had risen high in the sky, I had made a decision.

The next morning, I was cornered in the bathroom by Lily. She shut the door and latched it behind her.

I turned to stare at her, my toothbrush sticking out of my mouth. I was in mid-brush.

“Okay, spill it,” she demanded.

I opened my mouth and a mixture of spittle and toothpaste leaked down my chin.

Lily didn’t find my interpretation of “spill it” as funny as I did. I finished brushing my teeth while she impatiently waited. I was expecting her to start tapping her foot at any moment.

As I dried my mouth with a towel I asked, “Spill what?”

“You know what I’m talking about!” Lily backed up against the counter, leaning against it. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked me straight in the eye. “What’s going on between you and Remus?”

Lily was by no means a gossip monger. She understands the importance of people’s privacy as much as the next woman. But when it came to the matters of the heart, she just couldn’t help herself. I guess that was the hopeless romantic in her. And part of my plan was to play off of that for as long as I could.

Amazingly, as I looked down bashfully I actually did blush. I guess I was a better actor than I thought. “Oh…um…” I stammered. I went back to my daily routine, washing my face and then working on my hair. I never did more than brush it and use bobby pins to pin the bangs back, but today I took extra care in fixing it.

“Do you like Remus?” Lily asked in a scandalous whisper, leaning closer to me as her intent increased.

I gave a tiny nod, not trusting my voice to tell such a lie.

Lily looked as a woman might as she looked upon a fluffy kitten for the first time. The fabricated realization dawned on her and she cooed. “Aww!”

I glowered at her.

Lily looked sheepish. “I’m sorry, Lace, but you’ve never liked a boy before!”

 _I still don’t,_ I thought, but I said, “I know…But he’s really sweet.”

“He is!” Lily looked thrilled. “The only problem is those friends of his…” The thought of James brought a scowl to her face. “They would probably try to ruin things for you.”

“But wouldn’t that hurt Remus?” I quickly amended with, “If he likes me, that is.”

Even Lily couldn’t deny the loyalty of the friends. At one point in the past she would have, but I could see her judgments of them were starting to change, especially towards James. But if I said that out loud she would probably box my ears.

“You have to tell him!”

If I had had anything in my mouth, I would have spit it all over Lily when she said that. “W-why?” I sputtered. “Why can’t I admire from afar?”

“Oh, Lacelin, that’s just fear talking,” she smiled encouragingly. “No one can be positive someone likes them until they tell them!”

My face was burning. I knew it must have been redder than the reddest beet. “N-no, no, no!”

Lily gave me a knowing smile, but I could also tell that I had really stepped in it this time. “I’m not going to let my best friend sit around and sigh over a boy without doing something about it!”

“Lily!” I had to take in a breath to come down; my voice had come out in a panicked shriek. “Please, don’t. Not right away, at least.”

Lily looked a little confused, but after a moment she nodded and smiled. “Okay. But you’re not off the hook yet, young lady!” She laughed and flounced out of the bathroom, her long red hair trailing behind her.

I turned to the mirror and noticed my eyebrows were pushed together with worry. I picked up my towel, buried my face in it, and screamed.

***

For the rest of the day, every time I would look at Lily I would get a little impish smirk. If for some reason Remus or the others came around, my heart would drop into my foot and I would scoot away as quickly as I could. There was no way they could know about my lie, and I trusted Lily and knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t go behind my back and tell after I had specifically asked her not too, but my fear and guilt made me afraid of them. I’m sure they noticed, especially Remus. Maybe he would chalk it up to me being afraid of the coming moon? 

They wouldn’t be completely wrong, if that’s what they thought. It was under a week until my first moon, and I was starting to feel the anxiety. I was restless and clumsier than usual. I kept dropping things. During charms I accidently sent my inkpot flying through the air. A few Ravenclaws had to dive out of the way before it crashed into the wall over their heads. At meals I knocked the salt over, dropped food in my lap, and on my way back from changing in the dorms, I fell down the stairs.

The only way I could escape this was to tell Lily the truth. But again, that would be outing Remus, a secret that was not mine to tell. I kept revisiting this fact over and over.

I could always ask Remus for permission. Of course, I would have to allow him to tell James, Sirius, and Peter. Would they ridicule me? They didn’t pick on Remus, but he had been their friend for years.

Could they be so protective of Remus because of what he is?

I shook my head and sighed. I needed to pay attention to class, or I would have even more worries than I already did.

***

It was Tuesday, September sixteenth, and I was sitting in the alcove of the Gryffindor common room. My charms book was open on my lap, but I was unable to concentrate on it. There were only two nights left before the full moon. Looking up at the night sky, I could see the nearly full orb glaring down on me as if taunting me.

I sighed, dropping my head so that I was looking at my book again. But I just couldn’t make sense of anything tonight. With another sigh, I closed the book. I made a promise to myself to spend this weekend completely dedicated to work.

“Lacey!”

I screamed and threw my book into the air in surprise. I covered my head so that when it came down it wouldn’t hit me, but it landed on the floor.

Lily bent down and picked it up, looking at me with an expression of surprise. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Merlin, are you okay?”

I nodded, blushing with embarrassment. This whole fiasco was turning me into a nervous wreck. “Sorry, I was completely lost in thought.”

Lily suddenly got a very impish smile on her face. She sat on the alcove across from me, handing me my Charms book. “Daydreaming about Remus?” she said in a sly voice.

“Shh!” I waved my hands at her as if I could dispel the words that were already in the air, and frantically looked around the common room. We were practically alone; most people had already left to go eat dinner. 

“Calm down, Lacey,” Lily said as she patted me on the shoulder. “I wouldn’t be that tactless.”

I sighed. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“It’s about time you told him anyway,” Lily said with a smile.

My eyes widened. “Lily, you promised—”

“I know, but look at how you’re acting!” Lily said. “You need to tell him or this anxiety is going to start to affect your schoolwork.”

 _Well…at least now I have a good excuse for my nerves._ “Lily, just let me deal with it, okay?” I asked, pleading with my eyes. “This is my first real crush, remember? I need to figure it out myself.”

Lily blinked and for a few moments she was quiet. Finally, she smiled and nodded, leaning forward to give me a quick hug. “Okay. But remember I’m here for help!”

I nodded and smiled at her, though I was actually smiling from relief. “Let’s go eat, okay?”

As we walked down to the Great Hall, I happened to glance into an alcove in the wall and saw Remus sitting at the window, gazing up at the moon as I’d been doing earlier. As we walked by, he glanced over and gave me a weary smile. I returned the smile, but was careful that Lily didn’t see me.

* * *


	5. The Moon

Thursday I woke up so filled with nerves that I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. My retching must have been loud enough to wake Lily, because before long she was kneeling next to me, gently pulling my hair out of my face. She didn’t say anything until my bout of sickness was over. I sat back onto my heels, not daring to move much more than that in case I was to get sick again.

“Are you okay?” Lily asked, handing me a wet wash cloth. I took it and cleaned my face before answering.

“I think…I guess I caught a stomach bug,” I lied. My stomach churned again, but this time it wasn’t from nerves. It was the guilt of telling another lie to Lily. 

Lily nodded, a frown on her face. “You should probably go to the infirmary. Do you want me to walk you?”

I was about to say yes when I remembered why I was bent over the toilet this morning. I shook my head, forcing a smile on my face, though it was weak. “No, you should go eat. I can make it myself.”

“Are you sure?” Lily asked and I nodded. “Well, okay.” She took the wash cloth from me and washed it out in the sink. She hung it over the side and, with one last glance at me, when back into the bedroom. I took a long time brushing my teeth, making sure to floss very thoroughly, until I finally heard the last girl leave the dorm.

I walked back into the room and picked up my schoolbag. I packed away all my books, plenty of parchment and ink, and a couple changes of clothing. The full moon would last until Sunday morning and until then I would be in the Shrieking Shack. I wanted to have clean clothes to put on at least. I pulled on my jacket, pulled my bag onto my shoulders, and left the dorm.

Luckily, the common room was practically empty. A few students lingered, but they were so focused on how sleepy they were that they didn’t pay me any attention. Not that I looked very suspicious, even though my bag was overflowing. I took the long way to the infirmary so that I would avoid as many students as possible.

When I arrived Madam Pomfrey came out of her office. She blinked, confused to see me so early. “What are you doing here, Lacelin? You don’t need to come until after classes…”

“I wanted to bring my things by early,” I said. “Also, I’m so nervous that I’m nauseous and throwing up.” My stomach gurgled then, reinforcing my words.

Madam Pomfrey frowned and waved me into her office. “I’m sure it’s only nerves making you sick, dear, but this is as good excuse as any.”

I blinked. “Excuse?”

“For missing class tomorrow and the next day, dear.” Madam Pomfrey pulled a chair from the corner of her office and sat it next to her desk. She motioned for me to sit down.

I did as she was told and looked at her, waiting for her explanation. 

“It’ll be easier if you’re missing class because everyone thinks you’re ill,” she said with a frown. “So it’s best if you stay here today. Mr. Lupin will join us when classes are over.”

All I could do was agree, and seeing that I still wasn’t feeling very well, Madam Pomfrey let me use one of the beds to go back to sleep. I was the only person in there, and it wasn’t long before I was fast asleep.

_The pain was immeasurable. She could never have imagined in a thousand years how badly it felt. Being dragged through lava and then tossed into a bush of briars would have felt better in comparison. Her entire body was burning, searing with pain. Her skin felt tight. It was pulled so taunt that she feared moving would cause the skin to rip and tear._

_She fell forward, but couldn’t bear to bring her arms in front of her to hinder her fall. She feared that had she done so her arms would have simply been torn off. She lay on the cold, wooden floor, splinters caught in her skin. Her eyes were wide as they stared towards the open doorway. Standing in the threshold was the largest wolf she had ever seen._

I awoke with a start. I didn’t sit up, but instead lay in bed and stared straight ahead of me. In the dream the horror I felt had been so real…I was only glad that I didn’t feel that pain. My skin was tingling all over. I scooted down deeper under the covers, pulling them up to my chin. The warmth was comforting.

Through the windows I could tell that the sun was going down. Soon it would be time to go to the Shrieking Shack. With that realization my heart began to beat slightly faster with anticipation.

***

I couldn’t help but be anxious when Madam Pomfrey immobilized the Whomping Willow. Even though I had been told how things were going to go down it was still surreal to be going through this, and this was the easy part. Once the path under the tree was open, Remus led the way through the tunnel. It was damp and dark, so I had to pull out my wand to use as a light. 

“How are you doing?” Remus asked as we walked along the tunnel. “I heard that you weren’t feeling well today.” He glanced over his shoulder at me, but it was hard to see his face.

“The nerves got to me…” I replied, looking down at my feet as I walked. The ground was uneven and littered with debris; it would be really easy to trip and fall.

“I never really got those first time jitters. I didn’t know I was a werewolf until the full moon.”

I almost stopped in my tracks, but quickly sped up so that I wouldn’t fall behind. “I’m sorry, I can’t imagine…” The absolute fear he must have felt…

Remus didn’t respond. We had reached the end of the tunnel. There wasn’t a door at the end, but earth instead. Before I could say anything, Remus put his wand away and pushed up on the ceiling. Moonlight streamed in like a spotlight on his sandy hair. He tossed his bag up through the trap door and then pulled himself through. I stepped up and looked, unsure if I could pull myself up, but I didn’t even have to try before Remus offered his hand down to me.

“Be careful, you can get splinters easily in here,” he warned with a wry smile, as if splinters were of any consequence to what we were there for.

I took his hand and he pulled me up until I could get a hold on the sides of the door and hoist myself the rest of the way. I stood and brushed myself off. Looking around, I realized that if I hadn’t known any better, I really would have thought that this was just an old shack. There was even broken, dusty furniture. Everything was covered in dust and spider webs, except where the wood had been clawed away. I remembered that I had seen a front door when I was in Hogsmeade with Lily, staring in wonder at the shack, but where I looked now there wasn’t a door. It was just a trick. The only way in was through the tunnel.

“It’s more comfortable upstairs,” Remus said, pulling his bag back onto his shoulders. “There’s a bedroom and then a couple of relatively empty rooms. I usually sit on the bed and do schoolwork until…well…until…you know.” He frowned. 

I only nodded. There was no need to say it out loud. “If I can get a lot of work done, Lily will be proud,” I said, forcing myself to smile. “She’s always on me about work.”

Remus took pause, and I could tell he was chewing over something in his mind. When he didn’t come forward with it after a few awkward moments, I nudged him along.

“What do you want to say, Remus?”

“Does…Does Lily know?”

I inhaled deeply, and then slowly let the breath out through my mouth. For the moment, it helped. “No.” I swallowed. “I want to tell her…I just don’t know how to go about it.”

Remus smiled slightly, sadly. “There is no right way, except the truth.” He paused to let his words sink in, and then stepped forward, lifting my heavy schoolbag over his shoulder. “Come on.” Hoisting both bags, he headed up the old rickety stairs carefully. 

I followed after him, thoughtful. What would he say if he knew the lie I had been fabricating for Lily thus far? I shuddered at the thought. He wouldn’t be carrying my bag for me then, I was sure of that. I decided not to tell him, and as soon as I was able to talk to Lily I would do away with that lie and finally tell her the truth.

We settled in on the bed of the bedroom. It was the only thing in the room that wasn’t very dusty. We beat the comforter a bit and then it was fine to sit on. I was glad to have stuff to work on, because sitting there all night and day would be awkward. What all could we talk about other than school?

“Have you done that essay for potions yet?” I asked as I pulled out my book. I pulled out a second book to use as a lap desk.

“I have the information I need, I just haven’t written it yet,” Remus responded. “What about you?”

“I’ve got…” I trailed off as I unrolled my parchment to see how far I was. “I’ve got two sentences.” I laughed. “I think I fell asleep over this essay last night.”

Remus smiled some. He had also pulled out his potions stuff to work on it. “What potion did you decide to do it on?”

And that’s how things went. We talked shop, mostly. We got our essays done, and then edited each other’s. I got a lot done with Remus’s help. I wasn’t as tempted to chit-chat as I was with Lily, mostly because I was shy. Every now and then we would get on a topic like Quidditch or Hogsmeade, but mostly we worked.

Studying had never felt so peaceful and nice. It was almost easy to forget why we were there.

When the sun began to drop down below the trees, I could no longer continue on schoolwork. My heart began to pound against my chest as though I had just finished a 5k run. I no longer wanted to even see the window. I packed my stuff into my schoolbag and sat it on the floor, instinctively moving into the corner of the room. I leaned against the wall, crossing my arms protectively around myself as I watched the sunlight disappear from the room.

Remus stood slowly and walked around the foot on the bed, letting his hand linger on the bedpost. He peered over at me through the two foot posts. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly.

“Scared,” I admitted. I swallowed hard and stared down at the ground. I hugged myself tighter. I couldn’t get my heart to stop beating so quickly, and I was feeling light headed. “What happens…after you’ve changed?”

Remus made his way over to me slowly, letting his fingers trace lines in the dust on the footboard of the bed. “We can’t get out…It’s frustrating. I’ve never been around another wolf.” He stopped in front of me and, while he didn’t look scared, he did look nervous. “We might fight.”

I swallowed. “Y-you said there were other rooms. Could I lock myself in one?”

Remus nodded. “That might be best.” He turned his head to look out the window. The sun had set. “You better go now.”

I nodded and moved to grab my bag, but he stopped me. As I turned back to him to ask what he wanted, he pulled me to him in an embrace. For a quiet moment, we stood there in each other’s arms, and it was comforting. When he pulled away, I gave him a tentative smile before grabbing up my bag and heading out of the bedroom. As I headed down the hall, I heard the door lock behind me.

I found a room at the very end that only had an armchair and a door leading into a closet. I threw my bag into the closet and shut the door. I didn’t want to tear it up when I became a wolf. I checked the door to the room was locked and then turned the chair so that my back would face the window, and sat down in it. Now all I could do was wait.

I stared at the floor, the only sound I could hear was my heart still beating in my chest. I watched the shadows move about the floor as the moon rose higher into the sky.

The pain struck like an arrow through a dark night. It sheared straight through me, starting from my head and quickly spreading to encompass my entire body. I stood up straight, thinking I could get the pain to go away like it was a cramped muscle, but then the bite scar on my side began to sear and burn. I gripped at it, but it only got worse. I slowly got onto my knees and lay on the floor, feeling the cold, dusty wood against skin giving me only slight relief from the burning that was flooding through my body.

And then it started to change. Once I was sure my in different places. My hands and fingers elongated and curled under until I had claws. My face began to pull and I thought my eyes were going to pop right out of the sockets. My jaws, my teeth, and my cheekbones contorted and pulled, stabbing and poking as the skin stretched over it. This time when I yelled out in pain, it was a half-human, half-howl. I rolled as my spine began to contort and turn, arching and moving through my body like a great snake trapped under my skin.

I clawed at the wood, I clawed at myself, and when the change was complete, I felt my mind begin to fog. I could no longer think clearly, and any logical thought processes were shutting down. I was barely aware of my surroundings. All my motives and all my feelings were erased and replaced. I was becoming more primitive with each passing moment, until all I cared about was food and bloodlust.

* * *


	6. Aftermath

Sunlight came through the grimy window, warming the spot on the floor where I lay. For a groggy moment, I feared that the light was moonlight, come to cast its curse upon me again. But the warmth of the yellow light was comforting to my aching bones.

I felt like I had been pulled apart piece by piece, and in the process a couple of those pieces were broken. Then I was shoved back together in a careless hurry. I was bleeding from scratches on my face, arms, and legs where I vaguely remember clawing at myself during the night. The armchair that had been sitting in the room was now in multiple pieces and stuffing was strewn everywhere.

Slowly I went to push myself up on my arms, but my vision started to black out and I lied back down. Instead of standing, I rolled slowly, groaning each time from my soreness, to my bag. My clothes were in tatters and I was cold, so I pulled out the last change of clothes I had. It took me so long to remove the tatters and pull on the new clothes while lying on the floor that I was out of breath when I was finished.

I rolled back into the sunlight and curled up into a ball, falling back asleep.

I didn’t wake again until I heard the creak of the door opening. Too weary to open my eyes, I listened as multiple footsteps came into the room and stopped close to me.

“Is she okay?” a male voice asked. The voice was familiar, but it wasn’t Remus. Was it Peter?

“She’s only asleep,” said a tired voice. Remus. “She needs to go to the infirmary, though.”

“I can carry her,” a third voice said. He could have been James or Sirius, I couldn’t tell. Whoever it was stepped forward and gently lifted me. I heard someone else pick up my bag.

At this point I was feeling extremely awkward, and the best thing I could do was continue to pretend to be asleep. I wasn’t sure if I could walk on my own, and pretending to be unaware was preferable. Through his soft, cotton sweater I could feel the warmth of the boy who carried me. I was getting an inkling that it was Sirius. His arms were strong and held me firmly so that he wouldn’t drop me as they made their way through the rough tunnel. I could feel the blush burning on my cheeks and hoped that he wouldn’t notice.

Before very long I was falling asleep again because of the warmth I felt and the rocking motion of being carried.

***

The next time I woke up it was because I heard voices talking over me, and then the click click of heels as they moved away. I opened my eyes slowly, and squinted them against the light that was coming through the window. With a glance around, I realized I was in the hospital wing. Sitting on the bed next to me was Lily, looking down at me with evident worry on her face. Madam Pomfrey had pulled one of the screens around my bed for privacy. I had to stop myself from groaning; what was I going to tell her now? 

“How are you feeling?” Lily asked when she noticed I was awake. She spoke quietly as though she thought being too loud would hurt me.

“Just tired,” I replied. What would I say when she asked about the scratches?

She swallowed, looking unsure. “You’ve been in the hospital wing for almost a week. I’ve taken notes for you, and got your work from your other teachers.”

“Thanks.”

I could feel it. The tension was there between us. She knew there was something up with me, and she knew I had been hiding it. Lily was too smart to have not seen the signs, and she had known me long enough to know when something wasn’t right with me. Suddenly, I felt guilty. I should have told her about this the first time I had a chance.

“Lily, listen…” I began but she shook her head.

“Lace, I know when something is up with you. You don’t think I wondered when I saw you biting your nails on the train? Or when you had those strange meetings with Professor McGonagall?” She paused, sighing lightly. “You can tell me anything. You’re like my sister, Lace.” She reached out and took my hand in hers. I bit on my bottom lip. “But I’m not going to try to make you tell me.”

I was silent for a few moments, and we just sat there, hand in hand. What she said touched my heart, and I felt a lump rise in my throat. Before I could stop them, tears were rolling down my cheeks and I was sobbing. Lily moved closer to me and wrapped her arms around me, and I cried into her shoulder, telling her everything between my sobs.

Why had I waited so long? Of course Lily would understand. She would never push me away because of this. She was the most kind-hearted person I knew.

Suddenly, I felt like Lily really was my sister, not just a bond that was similar anymore. We would be closer now, and our friendship would be so much stronger. But I still couldn’t tell her about Remus, because that wasn’t my secret to tell. But I could ask him. After all, apparently his friends knew about me.

I was able to leave the hospital wing before it grew dark. I headed down to the Great Hall and wiggled in between Jodie and Lily at the table. I hadn’t been feeling very hungry, but as soon as I saw the food all the days without much to eat suddenly caught up to me. I ate until my stomach felt like it was going to burst.

“Wow, slow down, girl!” Jodie said, smiling brightly at me. “You’re eatin’ like a dog!”

Apt description, Jodie. “I feel like I haven’t eaten in forever.”

“If you keep eating like that, you’ll have to go work it off!” Jodie said, plucking a tiny potato into her mouth. She continued to speak while she chewed. “Did you hear about Roger?”

Lily leaned forward so that she could see Jodie around me. “Roger Conne? What about him?”

“He transferred to Beauxbatons!” Jodie leaned her elbows on the table, resting her chin against her fists. “Hogwarts is apparently doing a foreign exchange thing this year, like what some Muggle schools do.”

“But why now? We’re already a good ways into the semester.”

Jodie shrugged. “All I know is, now we’re short a beater.” She was silent for a moment, and then slowly turned to look at me. For the next few moments she stared at me, and not just at my face.

“Jodie, are you checking me out?” I asked, feeling uncomfortable.

“Yes, I mean no! Lace, you have the perfect body type for a beater!” She grabbed one of my arms and began squeezing my biceps.

“Quit!” I yelped and yanked my arm back. I’m ticklish. 

“With a little work, you could be a good beater! You should try out!” Jodie practically bounced in her seat.

“Me? I never play Quidditch!”

“But you know how!” Jodie grinned at her. “As soon as I find out when the emergency tryouts are I’ll let you know. But I can help you! I think you could do it!”

“But—”

“You should do it, Lace.” I turned to look at Lily. She was smiling slightly. “You might really like it. You’ll never know until you try, right?”

I sighed, placing my fork down on the table decidedly. “Okay, fine. I’ll try.”

“Yay!” Jodie exclaimed and threw her arms around me.

***

I didn’t see Remus again until Saturday. I had found a remote table in the library and had all my makeup work spread out in front of me. I was frantically trying to get it all done by Monday so that I wouldn’t be behind, but I was feeling pretty overwhelmed. I was leaning back in my chair, taking a breather when he approached me.

“Hello, Lacelin.”

I looked up at him and smiled slightly. “Hey, Remus.” I noticed he had his satchel with him, and it looked ready to bust at the seams. “Do you have a lot of makeup work too?”

He nodded and sat down across from me at the table. I rearranged my things so that he would have room. He pulled his books out, but before he started working he leaned forward and asked in a low voice, “How are you feeling?”

I shrugged. “More or less okay. Still kind of sore, and people are staring at my face…” I subconsciously pressed my fingers to the long cut that ran along my right jaw.

Remus frowned sympathetically. “You get used to it. Eventually everyone stops staring.”

I sighed. “I hope so…” We fell into silence as we began to work quietly. It was strangely reminiscent of the night of the full moon, but much less stressful. It was nice to study with him. There wasn’t the pressure of feeling the need to speak, and it was nice to not be alone while doing such boring work.

After a while I finally remembered that I wanted to ask him about Lily. “Oh, Remus, by the way…I told Lily about me.”

He looked up, his eyes wide. “Really? How did she take it?”

I smiled, feeling a bit of the lump again. I was really grateful to how supportive Lily was. “She took it really well. I think we may actually be closer to each other now.”

Remus smiled. My heart skipped a bit. This smile was different. It was a very genuine smile. He was really happy for me. “That’s great. It helps a lot to have friends to help deal with this. I wish I had had them when I was first changed…”

I swallowed. “So…Sirius, James, and Peter know?”

He hesitated, and then nodded. “They would never admit to it without my permission though.” I felt like there was more to it, he seemed to be holding something back, but I didn’t push it.

“I was wondering…Were they there the morning of the last night? I think I remember hearing Peter and Sirius talking.”

Remus sighed. “They were. Sirius…did something really bad. I’ll tell you later, here isn’t a very good place.”

Something really bad? What could that be? I was really curious, but if he didn’t want to tell me now I would have to wait.

“I was wondering…since they know about me…could I tell Lily about you?” I immediately amended with, “If you knew Lily you’d know that she would never tell a secret that wasn’t hers to tell. She’s super supportive. She’s not discriminate against anything. She’s been pretty active with giants rights lately...”

Remus’s smile was amused. “It’s okay, I don’t know Lily well but I do know that about her. If it would make things easier for you, then go ahead.”

I smiled gratefully. “Thanks.”

After that, we fell back into our familiar silence. I couldn’t help but continue to smile. My heart suddenly felt so light and carefree. Who knew my curse could also bring such blessings?

* * *


	7. Angelique Kincade

When I agreed to try out for the position of Beater, I had no idea what I was in for. Jodie woke me before the sun was up and dragged me from my warm bed. I was still recovering from my cuts and bruises, so with sore muscles I reluctantly followed her down to the Pitch.

October was almost here, and already the mornings were growing chilly. I sat on the damp grass and yawned, watching the sun begin to peek over the castle’s towers, as Jodie headed into the equipment shed.

She returned within minutes dragging a shaking trunk, one bat tucked under her arm and another in her other hand. She stopped in front of me and let the trunk drop to the ground with a heavy thud. She handed me the bat in her hand and removed the one form under her arm for herself. Two Cleansweeps lay beside me and as I stood I picked one up.

“Jodie, I’ve never played as a Beater before,” I said with a nervous timber to my voice.

Jodie waved away my protest. “It doesn’t matter. After a few practices with me you’ll be playing like a pro!”

I soon discovered that my first lesson would be to overcome my fear of the Bludger. Every time it bolted in my direction, instead of trying to bat it away, I dove out of its path, fearing the broken bones I had seen other Beaters receive.

When I voiced this fear to Jodie she simply replied, “Nonsense, Lace! Madam Pomfrey can mend broken bones in a snap!” She snapped her fingers to emphasize her point.

I sighed, not feeling very comforted, but the next time the Bludger came at me I tried to hit it before it hit me.

By the end of the practice I was able to swallow my fear and hit the Bludger, but I couldn’t control the direction or hit it very hard. 

When it was time for breakfast, Jodie finally let me go. I changed quickly and met Lily as she was leaving the tower.

“How did the practice go?” she asked as I fell into step beside her.

“Exhausting,” I said with a sigh. “My biceps are killing me.”

Lily smiled sympathetically. “Jodie’s a tough coach.”

“But she does know what she’s doing,” I amended.

As we turned the corner, suddenly Lily stopped. I stopped a step ahead of her and glanced back to ask what was wrong. Upon seeing her face, I faced the front again and noticed Severus Snape limping towards the Great Hall. The limp was very obvious, and with each step he took on that leg he grimaced.

Lily moved forward toward him timidly. “Severus? Are you okay?”

Severus paused, suddenly looking stricken. He turned only slightly to glance at her over his shoulder. “I’m fine,” he said curtly before hurrying away.

Lily stood in the corridor, picking subconsciously at her fingers as she watched after him.

I walked up to her and laid my hand on her shoulder. She turned to look at me and then looked down at the floor as if in shame.

“Forget it, Lily,” I said gently. “He isn’t worth it, remember?”

As a response she gave a little nod, but I could tell she was still put out. I linked my arm with hers and propelled us toward the Great Hall.

“C’mon, let’s go eat something delicious!”

When we entered the Great Hall, the first thing I noticed was the volume level. It was always loud, but today it was deafening. The second thing I noticed was that a majority of the Gryffindor table, and some students from other tables as well, were crowded around in a circle.

Curiosity got the best of Lily. She pulled me through the crowd with her so that we could get a better look. After swimming through the sea of black robes, we finally were able to see what everyone was so excited about.

A girl, probably the same age as me, perched on the bench like a princess. Her milky, manicured hands were clasped on the table in front of her. Crystal blue eyes regarded the students around her as if they were quaint novelties. Silky blonde hair was pulled up in a casual bun, tendrils falling down like the vines of a weeping willow.

So she must be the Beauxbatons girl taking Roger’s place at Hogwarts.

Lily immediately snapped into prefect mode and stepped forward, holding her hand out to the girl. “Welcome to Hogwarts! I’m Lily Evans, one of the Gryffindor prefects.”

The girl looked up at Lily, an inquisitive look on her face. I watched as she looked Lily up and down, as though she were sizing her up. After leaving her waiting for what seemed longer than the few moments it was, she reached up and shook Lily’s hand with confidence. She stood up and smiled at Lily, but the smile was cold. “It’s nice to finally meet someone ‘ere ‘oo doesn’t look az though they were reared in a barn.” Her French accent was thick and inflicted every vowel, but her English wasn’t very bad.

Lily blinked, unsure how to respond to that, but she didn’t have to. The girl immediately continued to speak, “My name iz Angelique Kincade. I am…how do you say…replacement student?”

“You’re the exchange student,” Lily corrected, immediately snapping her friendly smile back into place. “If no one else has offered, I would be happy to help you get acclimated here.”

Angelique smiled again. I didn’t like it. She looked smug when she smiled. “Many have offered, but I’ll accept yours.”

Lily turned to me then, smiling sympathetically. “Duty calls. You can come along, if you want.”

I immediately shook my head, cutting my eyes at Angelique. She was examining her nails. “I think I’ll go get some studying done.”

I grabbed a few pieces of toast and headed out of the Great Hall without a word. I could already tell that I wasn’t going to like this Angelique Kincade.

***

My practices with Jodie continued every morning until the Quidditch Tryouts. We worked for hours every day, sometimes even after class, so by the time the week had passed I was feeling pretty confident about my abilities as a Beater, and really enjoying it as well. The try outs went smoothly, and while I didn’t expect any preferential treatment (especially considering the two Marauders on the team) I felt very good about my chances. Feeling drained, I made my way down to the lake with my book bag, and found a tree to settle against. 

“You’re lucky Dumbledore didn’t have you expelled, Sirius.”

My head snapped up and I looked around me, but didn’t see anything. The grass on the other side of the tree rustled and I heard the sound of books being dropped onto the ground. I flattened myself against the tree trunk and held my book to my chest, trying not to breathe too loudly so that I wouldn’t be found.

“It would have been easier, I think. I have Detention until Christmas!” Sirius responded with an aggravated sigh. I could just see him running his fingers through his tousled black locks. I shook my head.

“Sirius, Snape could have been killed!” said a squeaky voice. That must be Peter.

“And how do you think Remus would have felt? There would have been no way for Dumbledore to conceal him from the parents then.”

“Okay, okay! Come off it already, will you? Bloody hell, you’re worse than my mother, James!”

“Now that was just mean,” James said, obviously feigning hurt.

I swallowed, closing my eyes and wishing that they would leave. I just knew I wasn’t supposed to hear what they were saying. I should have made my presence known before they continued their conversation. Damn my curiosity!

I quietly tried to put my book back into my satchel, planning to make a quiet escape. But as I was closing the clasp, suddenly a shadow fell over me.

I looked up and found myself surrounded by James, Sirius, and Peter. Unsure what to say, I simply sat there and stared at them with wide eyes.

“Look, Sirius, a little bird was eavesdropping,” James said with a smirk on his face.

“And we all know little birds tell their little secrets,” Sirius added, mirroring James’ expression.

I gulped, looking to Peter for mercy. He was trying his hardest to look as smug as his comrades, but failing miserably. I looked back at James and Sirius and felt my heart plummet into my stomach.

_Help!_

***

“I am to sleep _here?_ ” Angelique asked with horror as she gazed around the dormitory. She had drawn into herself, her arms wrapped around her body as though she were cold. She stood in the center of the room as if all she had to stand on was a tiny circle of floor, staring at the room around her.

Lily didn’t understand what she was upset about. The room was clean, except for Jodie’s bed, but they had given up early in second year on getting her to clean. She was content to live in her clutter.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand…This is a nice room. The beds are very comfortable…” Lily said, wringing her hands as she spoke. 

“At Beauxbatons, we have curtains of sheer silk that hang around our beds. The floors are like marble. The bathroom is large with a marble tub as deep as a carp pond,” Angelique said, flourishing her story with dramatic arm movements. 

Lily frowned. “Marble floors? Sounds cold…” she muttered to herself.

“What was that?” Angelique asked innocently, turning to look at her.

“Um, nothing,” Lily said quickly. “This was the last place I had to show you. Is there anything else?”

Angelique thought, placing the tip of her index finger against her chin. Lily almost thought she saw the light bulb above her head when she got an idea.

“That boy in the common room! Introduce me! He was…as you say…a real looker?”

“The Americans say that, and…do you mean Remus?” He was the only guy Lily could remember seeing in the common room when they arrived.

“Is that his name?” Angelique was already heading towards the door. “Then yes, Remus!” she said, with emphasis on the e. 

Lily gulped, watching as Angelique left the dormitory. Something told her that she didn’t need introducing, that she could do it by herself, and if she was half as charming as she seemed to think she was, then there was going to be trouble.

* * *


	8. Moonlit Moments

Suddenly I bolted for the castle; like a cornered animal, I thought blithely. 

I didn’t get very far before each of my arms became prisoner of two other pairs of arms. I looked to my left and right quickly, eyes wide, to see the grinning faces of James and Sirius. I thought that they could only be mocking me for my behavior.

“Why in such a rush?” asked Sirius.

“We only want to talk,” said James.

“Talk to me?” I asked. “Pardon me if I don’t want to bloody believe it.”

Sirius and James looked at each other simultaneously, eyebrows arched. In their silence, Peter stepped in front of me and said in a friendly tone, “It’s true. Let them talk.”

I screwed up my nose but didn’t say anything. Despite being one of their mates he had never given her cause to be rude toward him.

“What are you lot doing?” asked a shocked voice. I looked up from Peter to see that Remus had joined them. I had never been more relieved to see him.

“We were just going to tell her the good news,” Sirius said innocently as he and James relinquished my arms.

“It’s posted in the common room now.” Remus turned to look at me. “I was actually on my way to tell you the news too.”

“What news?” I asked, my heart fluttering with excitement. “The Quidditch tryouts…?”

“Practice is tomorrow night, right after dinner,” Sirius informed her with a smile.

“Don’t be late, Beater,” James added and the three of them moved away, leaving only Remus and myself.

I barely noticed their departure; I felt shocked. I hadn’t expected to get the position. Once it processed through my mind a huge smile spread across my face. I looked up at Remus, who was smiling too.

“Congratulations,” he said.

“Wow,” I breathed. “I hope I don’t let them down.”

“I don’t believe James or Sirius will allow it.”

“Jodie either.” I laughed.

Remus was silent for a moment, during which his smile began to falter. I immediately knew that a heavy thought had entered his mind.

“Today is Thursday,” he said quietly. “Do you remember what happens in two days?”

I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach. “Oh…Yes, I remember.” The full moon. It felt like it had only been yesterday that the first one happened. They would spend the weekend in the Shrieking Shack, Monday as well.

“Can’t say I’m looking forward to it,” I said with a wry smile.

“I would think something’s wrong with you if you did,” Remus replied with a slight laugh. I smiled.

“Lacelin! There you are!”

I looked around Remus as he also turned to see who had called. Lily was waving to me as she approached. Angelique Kincade followed her, looking elegant in her fall jacket and boots. I fought a frown.

“Did you tell her?” asked Lily as she stopped beside Remus. Angelique stood to the side, looking over the grounds with disinterest.

Remus nodded to her and then said to me, “I’ll talk to you later.”

I nodded with a smile, and as he walked away Lily tackled in a hug. I returned the gesture, feeling a grin tugging at my lips.

“It’s so exciting!” she said as we stepped back.

“You failed to introduce me to Remus, Lily,” Angelique interred. Her appearance in the conversation immediately dampened the mood. 

Lily gave an apologetic half-smile. “I’m sorry. I was just so excited for Lacelin—”

“Yes, very exciting,” Angelique dismissed. She didn’t even glance in my direction. I looked pointedly at Lily, who flashed a wry smile before beginning to talk to Angelique again, trying to garner her forgiveness. I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes; she was quite the drama queen, this Angelique Kincade.

***

I was doing it again. I couldn’t say how many times I had removed my planner from my bag to stare at the next couple of days, but it seemed like every other moment I was catching myself with the little book open. There was nothing extraordinary about it; all I had written was a reminder about Quidditch practice. But under the words” Saturday, October 18, 1975” was a circle and the dreadful words “Full Moon.” 

This time, as I looked down at it glumly, the planner suddenly disappeared; swiped out from under my nose by Lily. She held it closed in one hand, frowning at me as she said, “Quit doing that.”

I huffed, pursing my lips at her before replying, “I can’t help it. It weighs heavily on the mind, turning into a beast.”

“Not funny,” Lily said sternly, pointing at me with the top corner of the book. She dropped it down into my open bag between our chairs and then clasped her hands together on top of the table. Professor Flitwick was trying to find some parchment or another, and while he picked up books and unraveled documents the students decided to take a break and began chatting.

I didn’t want to talk about the full moon, didn’t want to think about it. Remus had said that there was no getting used to the change. That meant I could expect the same excruciating, bone breaking, muscle realigning pain that I had the first time. Just the thought made my blood run cold.

A change of subject was in order, so before Lily could think up some type of advice or encouraging words, I asked, “So how is your budding relationship with _Angelique Kincade?_ ” I was quite proud of my imitation of her accent.

It was Lily’s turn to huff and sigh. She hung her head for a moment, her red hair falling onto the tabletop like a curtain of fire. She flung it back over her shoulder as she turned to look at me again. “She’s hard to…keep up with.”

My laugh came through my nose as a disdainful snort. “That’s an understatement.”

“Of the century,” Lily added, and then laughed when she saw the small smile on my face. “Are smiling at my misery?”

“You volunteered for your misery,” I reminded her.

“Yes, but my misery fancies Remus.”

I sputtered, I couldn’t help it, and then my gaze darted around the room to be sure that nobody had overhead. James and Sirius were in this class with us, but luckily they sat way in the back while Lily and I always occupied the front-left table. 

“She does?” I didn’t mean for there to be so much surprise in my voice. Remus was extremely attractive—it’d take veritaserum to make me say so out loud—but he didn’t seem to be Angelique’s type.

I glanced over my shoulder at James and Sirius, who were levitating items from Flitwick’s desk, just frustrating him and prolonging his search since he had to stop to scold the boys. Sirius was more Angelique’s type, I thought. 

I sat up straighter as I said, “Well…” I paused and deflated. “Oh well.”

“‘Oh well’? No, no ‘oh well’!” Lily scolded. “Remus is yours.”

I laughed loudly, once, and then lowered my voice. “Lily, he’s only my friend. Besides, it ceases to matter if he likes her, right?”

Lily opened her mouth to say something but at that moment Flitwick thrusted the newly found parchment into the air with a triumphant “Aha!” For once I was relieved to have class start back.

***

I thought the second full moon would be easier, but I soon found that out to be false. My nerves were as bad—if not worse—than they had been that first night. I followed Madam Pomfrey and Remus quietly, focusing on the mundane task of walking so as not to let my mind wander.

Without a word Remus and I settled into our spot on the four-poster bed, our bags spilling their contents around us. Amongst my books were a couple books on theoretical werewolf curse remedies.

Remus picked up the eldest tome. Its once green cover faded was covered in patches of brown. The spine cracked like a pecan shell when he opened it.

“Have you read it?” I asked after a few moments of silence.

He nodded as he idly turned the pages, glancing at each page’s content for only a moment before moving on. “I thought the more I knew the easier this would be.”

I felt my heart fall; I thought the same. “I assume it didn’t?”

He thought for a moment, obviously waffling between two thoughts. Finally, with a shrug of his shoulder, he replied, “No, but it is worth knowing.”

I took the book back and looked down at the old cover; the title couldn’t even be read anymore. I put it with the other books and reluctantly reached for my Potions book.

“Do you think you could help me with my Potions essay?” I asked as I turned my head to meet his gaze. I was surprised to find him staring at me already, a small smile on his face.

I blinked, unsure how to react. “Um…”

At being caught Remus averted his gaze and flushed, stammering, “Sorry.” He cleared his throat before explaining, “I just…wanted to say…I’m glad I don’t have to do this alone.” He glanced at my eyes but instantly diverted his gaze again.

I felt my cheeks heat up with a blush, but at the same time a smile tugged at my lips. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“You would have been fine,” he said, now able to meet my gaze. “But it’s good to be with someone who understands…”

I don’t know what came over me in that moment, but suddenly I had the courage to hug Remus. There was something in those sad eyes of his that made my heart flutter. As I wrapped my arms around his shoulders I knew that what I saw was happiness. Who would have guessed a curse could also be a blessing?

For a split second he tensed and I felt that I had done something terribly wrong, but then I felt his arms wrap around me and we both relaxed.

I didn’t want to let go. I felt enveloped in a blissful warmth—a feeling of comfort that caused me to smile. But to prolong this contact would suggest too much, so I pulled away from him, my mouth turned up in what I hoped was a friendly smile. 

The first thing I noticed was the pink tinting his cheeks, and then the small smile on his face, but he didn’t look sheepish, he looked—

He turned and picked up my Potions book, breaking eye contact. I frowned in confusion.

Remus must have thought I was frowning at the prospect of doing my essay because he said, “C’mon, it isn’t that bad. I wrote mine in an hour last night.”

He was right, it wasn’t a difficult essay, but having to sit next to Remus after our “moment” was so distracting that I finished hours later, when the moon was about to rise.

I closed the door to the spare bedroom and walked to the window, gazing up at the moon through the cracked glass. It was far from the earth, shining like a night light in the distance.

And I felt the beginning of the change.

* * *


	9. Scandal

The pain accompanying the change only seemed to be getting worse with each moon, so once I felt well enough I made my way to the library with my Potions book, where I had dog-eared pain relieving potions at the start of term. I was going to read up on each one and find one I could actually make and use.

Unfortunately, each potion was much more complex than my current skill in Potions. I had barely scraped up the O.W.L. I needed to continue in the class, much less make a potion described as “quite the trial for even the most experienced wizard or witch.” I closed my book and sighed, leaning back in my chair. My head and shoulders collided with what I knew to be a person and I jumped forward again, whipping around to see who I had bumped. I had to bite my tongue on a groan when I looked up to see Angelique Kincade staring down at me.

“What iz it that you are doing?” she asked like it was her business to know. Her hands rested on her hips and it was obvious she had been reading over my shoulder. “You are in pain?”

“What do you want?” I snapped, my eyes narrowing as I stood from the chair. I didn’t like her looking down on me, not at all. I grabbed my Potions book and shoved it into my bag forcefully, slinging the strap over my shoulders and turning so she knew I intended to walk off in the next few moments.

She was glaring at me now too, and it was obvious she wanted to say something rude but she said instead, “I wanted to ask you a question.”

At that moment Lily entered the library with her sack of books. She immediately noticed us, and the look on my face, because she hurried over with a worried expression.

“Hi Lacelin, hi Angelique. Everything all right?”

Angelique sighed, looking at Lily in a dejected manner. “I merely want to ask Lacelin a question, but she is hostile.”

Lily turned to look at me with one eyebrow raised, and for a hot second I wanted to smack it off her face. I swallowed and took a deep breath. “Then ask,” I said as evenly as I could manage, though my tone was still tense.

“What iz your relationship with Remus?” 

My heart stopped and then started beating double-time, the blood rushing to my head. “Wh-what do you mean?” I stammered, losing a grip on my irritation and faltering into nervousness. Beside Angelique Lily had gone on alert, but she didn’t say anything. 

“I saw you together, walking close and laughing, heading away from the dormitories. At night.” She crossed her arms over her chest, looking accusingly at me. My mind had stuck on the possibility she had followed us and now knew. I knew exactly when she had seen us because there was no other time that we walked together alone: We had been headed to meet Madam Pomfrey to go to the Shrieking Shack. I had to remain calm, so I continued to take slowly inhaled deep breaths, watching the French girl for any indication of disgust or hatred or anger that was beyond the norm. This was an excruciatingly hard task with Miss Kincade.

"We...we were going to study.” I knew as soon as the words were out of my mouth that that was the worst excuse, and the tremor in my voice was all she needed to know it wasn’t the truth, or at least not the half of it.

Lily suddenly spoke up, blurting the words that were going to change my school year drastically: “They were together because they’re dating!”

“What?” Angelique asked without veiling her surprise. She turned to Lily, obviously wanting more information. “Since when?”

“S-since the start of term,” Lily replied again, digging the hole deeper. My face was burning, and she was faltering under my glare.

“I’m sorry. Angelique, we really need to get going,” the red-head said in a rush as she grabbed my arm and fled the library, taking multiple turns down random corridors to shake Angelique in case she tailed us. Once it seemed she hadn’t, I dragged Lily into an empty classroom.

“Bloody hell, Lily!” I exclaimed, throwing my arms into the air as I moved to sit on one of the dusty tables. It was obvious this classroom hadn’t been used for years. “What’s going to happen if she goes and asks Remus?” My heart was pounding, my stomach doing somersaults so fast I felt out of breath and nauseous. Fear of how he would react to this kept flooding my mind like a wave—no, like a tsunami—drowning out everything else and making me have to fight back to the surface.

“I-I don’t know!” she exclaimed, her face as red as her hair. “I didn’t even think, I was just afraid she was onto you and I didn’t know what to do about it.”

I sighed, letting my head fall into my hands. I took deep breaths in and out, trying to stabilize my emotions. I had been afraid of the same thing, so I found it hard to be angry with Lily when she had, in fact, gotten me out of a situation that could have gone way further south than it had. 

“But now what do we do?” I asked helplessly, lifting my head to regard her.

“I guess we could tell Remus,” she suggested quietly. “I’m sure if we explained why we—okay, sorry—why I said it he would understand and not think too much of it.”

“You’re sure or you hope you’re sure?”

“Er—both?”

I sighed again, running a hand down my face and then smoothing my hair back. It was the better option, because him finding out on his own could really get awkward. Not that it wasn’t already.

Unfortunately, when we returned to the Gryffindor Common Room, Angelique was standing in front of the four marauders and when I entered all fives heads swiveled around to stare straight at me. With their eyes boring into me, I hurried across the room and up the stairs to my dorm, straight into my bed and under the sheets to hide. 

***

I didn’t emerge until early the next morning. I was one of the first down to breakfast, and I wanted it to be that way. Though every time students entered the Great Hall I found my heart rushing with fear and anxiety that it would be one or all of the boys, come to ridicule me. I was looking out for a specific red head, not paying any attention when Jodie sat down across from me.

“Who’re _you_ looking for so intently, Lace?”

“AGH!”

Jodie laughed, having to set down her fork as she did so. “Blimey, you’ve been a lot jumpier than usual. What’s wrong?”

“Stress,” I replied, and it technically wasn’t a lie. “Lots and lots of stress.”

“Well, don’t let it get to you too bad, we have our first Quidditch match coming up! You haven’t forgotten practice tonight, right?”

I had completely forgotten about practice, and Quidditch in general. With a jolt I realized even if I managed to avoid the marauders all day I would have to face at least James and Sirius that night at practice. I groaned, crossing my arms on the table and letting my head slump down onto them.

Jodie took it as a slight to her practices, however. “Hey, you gotta practice to win!”

“No, I know, it isn’t that, Jodie,” I quickly amended. “I’m just so swamped. But don’t worry, I’ll be there and be ready.”

“Good,” Jodie said and took a large bite out of a sausage link. “I have some Beater strategies I want to go over with you, so you guys will have to stay a little longer after practice…” She then launched into details about each different maneuver she planned to teach us, from the Bludger backbeat to the Transylvanian tackle.

Listening to Jodie was enough of a distraction that I didn't notice when the four boys came in and sat at the other end of the table, each one glancing my way at some point as they whispered amongst themselves. I only noticed when Lily sat beside me, and realized that the Hall was packed and loud now. I looked over at her, wondering what had happened after I fled the common room the night before.

She knew immediately what I would ask, so she replied before I even spoke, “Remus wants to talk to you,” she said slowly, knowing the words would sound ominous to my ears. “I tried to explain what was going on to him and the others, but he wants to talk to you about it.”

I was feeling breathless and sick to my stomach again. With a rapidly beating heart I looked down the table at him, where he was staring at his plate, looking to be deep in thought over his runny eggs. I swallowed and looked back to Lily, squeaking out, “When?”

“During our free period after lunch, down by the lake. He said the tree where Sirius and James grabbed you?” One eyebrow rose and she began to click into big-sister Lily mode.

“They were just trying to scare me before they told me I made Beater,” I said.

“Want me to make them do laps? I can make them do laps,” Jodie said with a huge grin, some parsley stuck in one tooth. I couldn’t help but laugh, and for the moment my nerves subsided.

***

It was fortunate that there weren't any tests that morning, because I would have failed every single one. It was hard to keep focused on classwork, and I nearly caused my potion to explode and got docked five points to Gryffindor. When lunch came, I was both relieved and filled with dread. I barely ate, my stomach in too much of a fit to accept much more than some nimbles off a roll. Finally I gave up and bid Jodie and Lily goodbye, ignoring Jodie’s inquisitive expression. Lily could handle that one, my mind had no current vacancies for anything else.

The marauders were already sitting by the lake when I got out onto the grounds. I approached them slowly, ringing the hem of my shirt in my hands as I walked. Even if things went well, it was still going to be unbearably awkward.

Too soon I was standing outside their four-pointed circle, unsure whether to announce myself or run. Sirius noticed me almost immediately and his lips widened into a wolfish grin.

“She made it,” he said, as though he weren’t speaking directly to me. “Have a seat.” He swept his arm out in a grand manner and James smacked it down when he put it in his face and nearly knocked his glasses off.

Remus and Peter had turned to look at me now, the latter squeaking a small greeting as I sat between them. I timidly looked up at Remus, feeling the blush burning on my cheeks.

“You wanted to talk to me?” I asked quietly, as if I didn’t know what it was going to be about. It didn’t feel right to just blurt something out.

“Indeed, we did!” James said, playing off of Sirius’s earlier faux nobility. “What is this we hear of you and our Remus _dating?_ ”

It was Remus’s turn to turn red now. “James, cut it out,” he muttered and then turned back to me. “Lily explained everything and, er—Sirius and James have an idea. But only if you agree, and you can definitely say no and it’ll be dropped.” He said the last bit quickly, staring hard into my eyes, like he was desperate for me to understand that I had a choice. A choice in what I was curious about, so instead of saying anything I just turned to look at James and Sirius, my nerves temporarily forgotten. 

Realizing they had my attention, James and Sirius leaned forward with their elbows on their thighs, speaking in low tones in case someone were to happen by: “We think you two should keep this rouse going for Angelique’s benefit,” James explained.

“If she thinks you’re dating,” Sirius continued, picking up on James’s line of thought, “then any time she sees you together—say, when you’re going to the shack—she’ll just think you’re sneaking off.”

I blinked once. Twice. A third time. Swallowed.

“ _What?_ ”

“Really? This is our teammate?” James asked, pointing to me but looking at Sirius. He turned back to me as he said, “You.” Point. “Remus.” Sirius pointing now. “Together.” 

I glared at him, not liking his tone. “Don’t talk down to me, James Potter, I understood perfectly. Wouldn’t that just entice her to follow us more? She fancies Remus, if you didn’t know; I’m sure she’d love to sabotage his relationship with anyone.”

Remus hadn’t said anything, he was sitting with his hands held tightly in his lap and his ears burning. When he spoke now it was quiet, “That’s why James, Sirius and Peter will—”

“—run interference,” Peter finished for him, looking giddy at the prospect.

“It’s the perfect cover!” Sirius exclaimed. He acted as though he were selling a business a new product, and I couldn’t help but think he and James would make good salesmen. 

“And who knows,” James began, getting a strange glint in his eye, “maybe one day a lie will become truth.”

I knew immediately what he meant and felt my enter face begin to burn like I was about to break a massive fever. Beside me Remus told him to shut up, and when I glanced at him he was an equal shade of red and refusing to meet my eyes.

“Do you want to do this?” I asked him, definitely not interested if he wasn’t.

He was quiet for a minute, chewing on the inside of his cheek while he thought. Finally he said, “It really isn’t a bad cover, especially since she’s only been here for a short time and is already proving to be very…” He paused, looking for the right word.

“Nosy,” I supplied for him and he nodded.

“But only if you agree,” he said, looking up at me with earnest again. “We can stop this at any time if you want—”

“Remus, I think she gets it,” James said with a smirk.

“Yeah, mate, you’ve told the girl she can say no plenty of times now,” Sirius amended.

Remus narrowed his eyes at them but didn’t say anything. He just looked back at me, waiting for my answer.

I sat back on my heels, looking down at the ground while I thought. Pretending to be Remus’s girlfriend? My heart stammered at the idea. It would make a good cover story for two students sneaking out periodically, but so many lies and so many people involved in the lies made me nervous. I didn’t know what else I could do, though, and I had to admit that underneath all my inhibitions I felt giddy at the idea people would think we were dating, and at the possibility that would James said really could happen…

“I guess so,” I said quietly after a few moments and James and Sirius immediately cheered.

“Well, as Remus’s girlfriend, that makes you an honorary marauder.”

“Welcome to the jungle,” Sirius said and winked at me, his grin stretching from ear to ear.

What had I just gotten myself into?

* * *


	10. A Letter

The next few days proved to be the most awkward of my entire life. It was hard to act like Remus and I were dating when I wasn’t used to spending any time with him outside our confinement in the Shrieking Shack. It took Lily reminding me and James, Sirius and Peter reminding Remus for us to remember to sit together at meals and walk to class together, things that would have been no-brainers if the relationship had been real. I was thankful for their nudging, even if we did both blush furiously each time. 

For the most part Angelique was keeping her distance, but she was watching. She had found a rather large group of girls to follow her around and practically worship her, and it was several times a day that I felt their eyes on me. The French girl had eyes and ears everywhere now, it being impossible to keep up with the number of girls in her employ.

“This is ridiculous,” I said to Remus as we walked toward the Great Hall for breakfast one morning. Two girls—identical twins—that I had seen with Angelique earlier had just ducked into a corridor after seeing us, scampering off with tittering laughter floating back to us. “They’re up to something.”

Remus frowned, the gesture pulling the scars on his face into white lines. I, too, had scars on my face now. Two thin red lines extended from my brow to my chin on the left side, passing over my eye. When there was no one to pursue, no hunt, the wolf turned on itself.

“I fear you’re right,” he answered after a moment’s pause. “Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea.”

My heart began to hammer and I chastised myself internally. Why should I dread a break up when technically we weren’t really together? Angelique wasn’t the only one being ridiculous. “We can still call it off,” I said reluctantly.

He didn’t say anything at first, but before we entered through the double doors he said, “Maybe a little more time,” and I smiled.

James, Sirius, Peter and Lily were already at the table, and they had saved two spots on the bench for Remus and me. Just as we got settled and started to pile food onto our plates, owls swooped in to deliver their messages and parcels. I ignored them and started to eat. I hadn’t received mail from anyone except my uncle just after the first full moon, asking how I was and if things at school were okay. After I replied I hadn’t heard again, and I definitely hadn’t heard from my parents. I wasn’t surprised, and I didn’t expect anything.

That’s why I was shocked when my mother’s owl dropped a letter on my plate. He pecked at some bacon and then flew away. I lifted the letter as though it were going to explode in my face. I was burning with curiosity as I opened it, and then it felt as if I had swallowed a stone.

_Dear Lacelin,_

_Your father and I have decided that it is not appropriate for you to be at Hogwarts any longer. We should never have let you return in the first place, it is a gross oversight that we must remedy._

_Unfortunately, you will not be permanently returning home, either. Your education must continue, and we have found a most wonderful new establishment for you to attend. Marcia Spiderpots’ School for Afflicted Witches and Wizards will be able to handle your condition and see that you are properly kept away from the rest of the magic public._

_We will be contacting your headmaster shortly, he will tell you when you leave. Go ahead and begin packing._

_Your Mother_

“Lacelin? Lace, what’s wrong? You’ve gone white as a sheet.”

I couldn’t speak, I was absolutely without words. I felt cold but also numb, the buzz of conversation around me droning loudly in my head. I simply held the letter out for Lily, continuing to stare at my plate without truly seeing it. 

There was silence while Lily read the letter and then she gasped, her hand going to cover her heart. “This is ridiculous! They can’t do this!”

“Who can’t do what?” James asked, leaning forward to try to see the letter. Lily pressed it against her chest, glowering at him before looking to me for unspoken permission. I simply shrugged and she reluctantly relinquished the parchment.

The four marauders crowded together to read the letter, each one just as shocked as the next. 

“Wow, your mother sounds as great as mine,” Sirius said sarcastically.

“Isn’t Marcia Spiderpots the same woman that tried to have werewolves rounded up and moved out of the country?” Peter asked quietly, looking at Sirius as he spoke.

“Blimey, you’re right,” he said. “I’ve heard of that school. Lots of pureblood families send their _undesirable_ relatives there to get them of the way for good.” He looked across the table at me and I met his gaze, already dreading the words before he spoke them. “It isn’t a regular school. You can stay there for the rest of your life if your family agrees, and so do their crackpot Healers.”

I felt so sick to my stomach and I hadn’t even eaten yet. I knew I wouldn’t be able to stomach anything now, and I felt panicked. I didn’t know what to do.

“Lacelin, I think you need to go talk to Professor McGonagall, and maybe even Dumbledore,” Lily said. She looked very worried. After all, she knew better than anyone how my parents behaved. We were a pureblood family, and they were arrogantly proud of it and terrified of anything that could tarnish their reputation. They were both Slytherins and had been disappointed when I was sorted into Gryffindor. We had never gotten along, but after that any chance we may have had extinguished. When I was bitten things turned outright hostile. 

“But what can teachers do against the will of the parents?” Remus asked. I looked at him now, realizing he seemed just as worried as Lily—if not more—and all he knew of my family was from this letter.

Lily frowned, realizing the truth in his words. “But it isn’t what she wants, that has to count for something.” Her words were hopeful, but her tone said it was obvious she wasn’t sure how true they could be. 

“It’s worth a shot,” I finally said, looking toward the teachers’ table at McGonagall and Dumbledore, who seemed to be engaged in a humorous anecdote as both were laughing while the Headmaster made outrageous gestures with his arms. “I’ll talk to Professor McGonagall after Transfiguration this afternoon.” 

With a plan in place I felt slightly better, but the sick feeling of foreboding never left. For the first time since the incident, I managed to completely forget that I was actually a werewolf, and that the next moon was quickly approaching. My distress must have been quite obvious, because throughout the day Remus would lay his hand on my shoulder comfortingly, or give me an encouraging smile if I caught his eye. I appreciated it, and the gestures made my heart beat rapidly. It was becoming all too common for me to feel my heart thudding against my chest, surely I was well on my way to a heart attack. 

As Transfiguration drew to a close I began to feel anxious again. It was impossible to pay attention to the end of the lesson, and I would have to get what our homework was from Lily later, because I was giving myself a nonstop internal pep talk so I wouldn’t chicken out.

I held my book satchel against my chest tightly as I watched Professor McGonagall; her head was bowed as she read over something. I knew Lily and Remus, and probably the other three, were waiting outside in the corridor. I waited for the room to be completely empty before I approached her desk, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“Professor?” I sounded quiet even to myself, I was afraid she wouldn’t hear me, but she lifted her head and looked at me, her brow immediately knitting together slightly in concern. 

“Miss Crill, what can I do for you?”

I swallowed hard, trying to think of the best way to say this. Of course, I had been over this thousands of times in my head, but it was always a completely different matter in the actual moment. “I-I don’t know if you can help me, but I have a problem with my family.”

She frowned, and it was obvious she didn’t make a habit of getting involved with students’ families, but something in my expression must have made her make an exception, or because I was one of only two werewolf students and therefore had a unique situation. “As you said, I don’t know what I could do, but you are welcome to confide in me. Do you have another class after this one?”

“No, it’s my free period.”

“Very well.” She lifted her wand from where it sat on her desk and with a simple swish the door to her classroom closed and locked to give us privacy. A flick brought one of the chairs pressed against the wall over to settle beside her desk, and she gestured for me to take a seat. I did, but continued to grip my bag. It was solid and tangible, something I could hold onto and feel grounded. 

“Please go on, Lacelin,” McGonagall said gently, offering a small smile. In the moment it struck me just how kind she truly was behind that stern demeanor. 

“Have you heard of Marcie Spiderpots’ School for Afflicted Witches and Wizards?”

When her face paled I knew that she had, and it only confirmed what Sirius had said. “It’s an institution that was started by Marcie Spiderpots,” she said carefully, neutrally. “Quite controversial in _The Daily Prophet_.”

I swallowed again. “My parents want to send me there because I’m…I’m not _normal_ —” It felt too bizarre saying I was a werewolf, even to someone who already knew—“but I don’t want to go. I want to stay at Hogwarts.” I looked into her eyes, knowing my were wide and pleading. But I was desperate. I didn’t want to leave Hogwarts, my friends, Remus…

I shook my head slightly to bring myself back into focus. “Doesn’t it count for something that _I_ don’t want to go?”

I knew my battle was lost just by looking at her face. She tried not to look at me with pity, but the compassion in her was too much to hide. “I will talk to Professor Dumbledore on your behalf, Lacelin, but I do not think there is anything we or you can do because you’re still an under-aged witch.” 

I felt like someone had punched me in the gut and forced all the air from my body. I drooped, deflated and feeling heavy as a cauldron. “Thank you, Professor.”

“Keep faith, Lacelin,” she said and smiled sadly.

As soon as I stepped outside the classroom I was surrounded. I knew they wanted to know simply out of concern, but I nearly lashed out at my friends. I felt lower than even when I was bitten. Instead of speaking when they asked their questions, I just shook my head.

“There has to be _something_ we can do!”

“There is,” I said and they looked at me hopefully. “I wait until I’m seventeen and come back.” Missing even one day at Hogwarts was torture to me, though.

“Unless they don’t let you out,” James said. “If it works like Muggle asylums, the patient doesn’t get to just leave when they want.”

My heart sank even more. “Thanks, James,” I said sarcastically. Tingles ran up my arm and down my spine as, next to me, Remus took my hand in his.

“We won’t give up on you, Lacelin,” he said, and the way he spoke I really wanted to believe it. I held the words close to my heart as I returned to the common room to begin packing my things.

***

The next morning when I awoke there was a rolled up piece of parchment on my night stand. I took it and flattened it out, reading:

_Dear Miss Crill,_

_I am quite distraught to hear of your circumstances from Professor McGonagall. As she already told you, we as teachers cannot intervene with your parents because you are under-age. However, as a fellow wizard, I can try to persuade your parents otherwise. I have dispatched a letter to them at once, and wait hopefully for a reply._

The signature was the swooping one of Dumbledore. I felt lifted, and smiled. Even if things backfired, at least he was trying. For me. I rolled the parchment back up and quickly got dressed, going to find Lily, Remus and the others to show them the letter.

But as I entered the common room I was stopped by a very grave Professor McGonagall. She frowned at me, that look of pity returning to her eyes. “Miss Crill, I’m afraid we’ve heard from your parents. We’re to put you on the train home—immediately.”

I didn’t even get to say good-bye.

* * *


	11. Family

Twice on the train to King’s Cross Station I had to run to the bathroom to vomit. I was just that nervous to be seeing my parents again and at the prospects this new “school” brought up. It was eerie being on the train alone, but my mind was too preoccupied with what was happening to pay too much attention or enjoy it. I sat in one of the compartments near the front, the door closed and latched to make me feel safer. It didn’t.

While I waited I wrote a letter to my uncle. I didn’t know how I was going to send it, I highly doubted my parents would let me use their owls, still I had to try. He was my last hope, but he traveled a lot for work and it was hard to track him down. I could only pray I was catching him in-between trips. Then I wrote a letter to Lily and after some consideration, I pulled out another piece of parchment and began to write to Remus.

But after “ _Dear Remus_ ” I didn’t know what to say. To be honest, I knew what to say, I was just too afraid to say it. My hand shook just thinking about him reading the words. You can always write it and not send it, I thought to myself and put quill to parchment.

_Dear Remus,_

_I wish I had been able to say good-bye in person, but I also wanted to thank you. You made an unbearable situation bearable. I just want you to know that, from my side at least, nothing in our relationship was faked. I hope I see you again._

_Love,  
Lacelin_

My hand hovered over the parchment like a claw, ready to descend upon the unsuspecting paper and crumple it into a ball. But I hesitated, and I reread the parchment thousands of times, and finally I decided to just send it. I put his letter with Lily’s and shoved them into the opposite pocket from my Uncle’s letter. But after a few moments of thought, I took them, folded them as small as I could manage, and tucked them into my bra. I had seen it on Muggle television when I stayed summers with Lily, and I had secretly always wanted to try it.

I was surprised to find my parents waiting for me on the platform, as they usually sent our house elf to collect me. They looked dressed for a funeral, adorned in black and dark emerald robes. My mother’s long black hair was thick and perfectly straight, and her eyes were practically silver. My father also had thick black hair, cropped short, but his eyes were black. My mother stood under a large black umbrella even though the sun was hidden behind clouds and there wasn’t a threat of rain. My mother always had that umbrella with her; it was how she kept her porcelain complexion perfect.

None of us said anything to each other as I followed them to an obscure place so we could Apparate home. As we entered the front door, the first words came out of my mother’s mouth, “Turn out your pockets and hand over your wand.”

I pulled my wand out of my robes and placed it on my mother’s out-stretched hand and reached into my pockets. I silently cursed myself as I realized I didn’t move my letter to my uncle to my bra with Remus and Lily’s. Slowly, I pulled it from my pocket. 

Patricia Crill snatched the letter away from me, one of her sharp nails scratching my hand, but I knew better than to say anything about it, so I just covered it with my other hand and held them tightly in front of me. 

“I should have known,” Patricia said curtly as she read the letter. If her lips pursed together any tighter I was sure they would pop off her face. “Appealing to your uncle will do you no good, Lacelin. You are our daughter and we will decide what becomes of you. We know what is best.” She handed the letter to my father and then waved her hand toward the stairs, which meant that I was dismissed. I turned and walked stiffly upstairs.

Our house elf, Sassifrus, was in my room with my trunk. It was obvious it was too heavy for him, but he never complained.

“Thank you, Sassifrus,” I said sadly. “I could have carried that.”

“Never, mistress,” Sassifrus said. “It may not be much, but I’m happy you’re home.”

I smiled, though I knew it was still sad. Sassifrus was my only friend in the house, but we had to be careful that my mother didn’t realize it. Anything I told the elf she could demand out of him, so it was a limited friendship. A sharp bell rung through the house, calling Sassifrus out, so I closed my door and flopped down on my bed. I stared up at my ceiling for a long time, and then I started to cry.

***

I wasn’t called down for dinner like I would have been had this been a normal visit at home. Instead, Sassifrus brought me a tray with a small supper and a cup of pumpkin juice, and a promise to sneak me a large piece of cake later when my parents went to bed. 

I had been passing the time doing my Hogwarts homework. It made me feel better, even if I didn’t think I’d ever be able to turn it in so it didn’t matter if it was completed or not. But it made me feel like I was just on Christmas or summer break and that made me feel calm. But it only lasted until about an hour after dinner when my mom knocked on my door.

“I’m here to tell you good night, and to not bother to unpack anything. You’ll be leaving the day after tomorrow for your new school.” 

She turned to go, not expecting me to speak, but I said, “You mean the asylum, right?” I knew immediately that I shouldn’t have said anything, but it just popped out. I tensed, waiting for the blow as she turned to fix me with her cold glare.

“What did you say, young lady?”

“I heard that this school is just a place for families to send relatives they don’t want.” I had already started digging the hole, might as well make it a good one.

I was apparently on the right track because Patricia’s face flushed bright red with anger. “This is a good school for someone like you,” she snapped, her teeth clicking together audibly. 

“Someone like me? You mean a werewolf?” I said the word as loudly as possible so I could watch her perfect composure break when she cringed. “I know you and dad are disappointed, even disgusted. But I’m still your daughter and I’m still a person and I deserve better than that!”

“Oh, you deserve better, do you?” she asked, her voice dangerously low. “Well, we’ll just see what Marcia Spiderpots thinks you deserve, the day after tomorrow. Good night, Lacelin.” She turned sharply, marching away so that I couldn’t possibly respond. I slammed the door to my room shut and flopped down on my bed. Angry tears burned the sides of my eyes but I didn’t let them fall, I glared at my wall.

And made up my mind.

***

When Sassifrus brought me my cake I asked him to stay in the kitchen for the next hour so he wouldn’t catch me, and therefore wouldn’t be lying when he said he didn’t see me. He understood by this point in our relationship not to ask questions when I told him to stay somewhere. So after sharing my cake with the elf, he hurried off to the kitchen and I waited a few minutes to give him time to get there. Then I grabbed the two letters plus the replacement I’d written to my uncle and very quietly opened my door.

The house was dark and quiet like I expected. It was hard to see, but I didn’t have my wand and I didn’t dare turn on any of the lights. I crept along the upstairs hallway slowly, moving toward the stairs leading up to the attic. It had been turned into a mini owlery some years ago for both my parents’ owls. The problem was it was directly above their bedroom, and if the owls got loud I would surely be caught.

I desperately wished I had my wand to cast _Muffliato_. I knew where it was, it was in a glass cabinet in my dad’s study, but it was also locked. I just stepped carefully, staying on my toes and putting as little weight onto my foot as possible before taking the next step. The stairs creaked slightly, but it wasn’t loud enough to wake the owls so I assumed it wasn’t loud enough to wake my parents either. 

When I clicked on the light in the owlery both owls immediately woke up, cooing softly and ruffling their feathers in aggravation. “Shh, it’s just me Perseus, Demeter.” They fixed their large eyes on me and I could see their recognition. They watched me, blessedly silent, as I approached with my letters. It would be faster to send both owls, but my parents would be doubly angry that both were gone. I decided it was a chance I was willing to take. I was hoping the owls would be home by morning anyway.

Quickly and gently, I attached first Lily and Remus’s letter to Demeter’s leg and sent her off to Hogwarts. Demeter was the fastest, but she tired out over long distances much faster, so Perseus was the better owl to send to my uncle. I had no idea where he was currently, but Perseus would find him. I fed the owl a few pellet treats for the journey and then sent him off. As he took off from the window, his wings spread wide, it felt as though someone had attached my hearts to those owls with string, and they were pulling it out of my chest the further they flew away. I clasped my hands underneath my nose and prayed hard that they made it in time. I just knew once I was in that school I was cut off from the rest of the world.

I turned around to sneak back to my room and stopped dead. My father was standing at the entrance to the owlery in his robe, his wand lit and held above his head so that it perfectly illuminated the livid expression he wore.

My father was a man of few words and that just worked to make him scarier. He marched me down the stairs and the hallway in utter silence, his wand held up to light the way. When I entered my room I turned around to say I was sorry, knowing it would do no good, but my door slammed in my face. I heard an audible click and thud and knew I was locked in.

But my letters were flying, and I had hope.

* * *


	12. Rescue

The next morning I found myself alone in the house, even Sassifrus was gone. Breakfast waited for me at the long, dark dining table, with a notecard propped against the orange juice glass.

_House is sealed, as is the Owlery. We will be back for lunch. Don’t expect any letters—we burned the one Demeter returned._

It wasn’t signed, but I recognized my father’s handwriting. I crumpled the card and tossed it across the room. It bounced off the wall and into one of the scotch glasses on the drink cart in the corner. 

Who had written back? Surely it was Lily, but what if it had been Remus? It was infuriating not to know.

I looked down at the small breakfast, not feeling as hungry as I had before. I picked at it, resting my elbow on the table and my head in my hand like my mother hated. Small acts of rebellion seemed all I would have for the rest of my life.

After I ate I cleaned up the tray and returned to my room. I was thinking of going back to bed, where hopefully I would have better luck in my dreams. My plans instantly changed when I walked into my room to see Remus, James, Sirius, Peter, and even Lily Evans sitting on my bed. They simultaneously grinned at me when I opened the door.

At first all I could do was stare, my mouth hanging open in a most unattractive way, and then I broke down into tears.

This distressed and confused the boys, but Lily understood that they were tears of happiness and relief. She moved to hug me and I squeezed her tight, comforted to find that she was solid, not a figment of my imagination.

“How did you get in?” I asked, amazement in my tone. “My parents sealed the house!”

“Not very well, they didn’t,” Lily replied with a tiny impish smile, an expression I had rarely seen on her face. James was beaming at her with pride.

“If you haven’t realized,” Remus began as he stood and stepped toward me with a small, crooked smile, “we’re here to rescue you.”

“So grab your stuff and let’s blow out of here!” Sirius exclaimed, jumping to his feet on the bed. I didn’t care that his muddy shoes were ruining the sheets, I was never sleeping there again!

“How can I thank you all?” I gushed, feeling overwhelmed with love and gratitude toward my friends; my dear, sweet friends who I never thought I’d see again. I hugged Lily again.

“Worry about that once we’re out of here,” James said, patting me on the shoulder and then winking at Lily. She rolled her eyes. “Help me with this,” he said to Peter and the two grabbed my Hogwarts trunk.

“Do you have your wand?” Remus asked me as I detached myself from Lily and wiped at my face.

I shook my head. “My parents took it, but I know where it is.”

“Then come on, lead the way.” Lily gestured out into the hallway and I obeyed. She and Remus followed me through the house to my father’s study, observing the décor and sheer size of the Crill home.

“Blimey,” Lily said in awe, “I had no idea you came from so much wealth, Lace.”

I scoffed. “If this is what it’s like, I’d rather come from dirt.”

Other than the foyer, my father's study was the largest room in the house. The walls were lined with dark wood shelves, filled with tomes on ancient dark magic and creatures. Strange objects suspended in unknown fluids in jars lined some of the shelves: Shrunken heads of multi-horned creatures, eyes of various colors and sizes, jars of dark red and black liquid marked “Dragon’s blood,” “Ogre’s blood,” and so on. Toward the back, centered against the floor-to-ceiling window was a large desk of Gothic design. Gargoyles were carved into the sides, and the edges of the surface were made to look like dragon’s talons. The floor was made of smooth onyx and it reflected the room like glass. Sitting on one of the shelves near the desk was the glass case where my wand was kept.

“This is incredible…” Lily whispered as she slowly walked along the shelves. “And creepy,” she added as she reached the jars.

Remus stood in front of a few labeled to be various parts of werewolves, looking visibly shaken and so pale the scars on his face stood out like fresh wounds. I stood next to him and gently took his hand, squeezing it. He tensed slightly, turning to look at me.

“My parents aren’t good people,” I said sadly, forcing myself to look him in the eye. “I hope you don’t associate any of this with me.”

He pressed his lips together and swallowed, turning back to look at my father’s collection. He squeezed my hand and replied, “I could never in a hundred years. But Lacelin, how far in the dark are they involved?” He spoke in a whisper as Lily had. There was something about the room that made one afraid to be too loud lest attention be drawn.

This time I paled, and I swallowed hard. “I would really hate to know,” I said, but I had an inkling. While everyone else was worried about the murdered wizard families found in recent news, my parents and their closest friends, the Malfoys, were thrilled. They wanted to find the witch or wizard who was doing this and do what, I could only imagine. As much as I would like to think they wanted to stop them, I feared that they really wanted to join forces. 

“ _Alohomora!_ ”

Remus and I both jumped and spun toward the glass case as it exploded in shards of glass and wood. Lily stood with her wand still pointed toward the case, a manically amused look on her face.

“Merlin, I’ve never done anything like that before!” She exclaimed, turning toward us. Her eyes were alight with excitement. “That was so thrilling!”

“WHAT WAS THAT?”

My blood froze in my veins and ice ran down my spine. It was my mother’s shrill voice coming through the house, and I could hear two sets of footsteps racing toward us.

“Come on!” Remus urged us toward the window, where he used his wand to blast out the glass. I grabbed my wand off the floor and the three of us jumped through the window just as my parents slid into the study. They raised their wands, sending jinxes after us, but we turned the corner of the house and ran toward the back. Three brooms were leaning against the house beneath my window, and hovering above us with my trunk were James, Sirius and Peter. Quickly, we mounted our brooms and shot off into the blue, Lily whooping cheerfully.

***

"Whose idea was this?" I asked once we reached a safe enough distance to slow our flight.

“Believe it or not, it was Lily’s,” Remus answered from where he flew beside me, as he had been the entire time. “We got your letters at breakfast. She sat down next to James and said, ‘I’m kidnapping Lacelin tonight and you blokes have just this one chance to join me.’”

“James shot his milk through his nose in surprise,” Peter added with an amused grin.

I couldn’t help but laugh, and it felt good. My elation at heading back to Hogwarts had been high, but it was starting to give way to more logical thoughts now. What would stop my parents from arriving at Hogwarts to drag me away? They could already be there, and for all I knew I was flying straight back into their cage. Dumbledore already said there was nothing he could do against parents.

“Guys,” I said loudly, and everyone fell back to hover around me. “Can we not go straight to the castle?”

“What?” Lily looked shocked. “I thought you wouldn’t be able to wait to get back.”

“I am eager, but my parents are surely nearly there to take me home.” I looked to each of my friends in turn, my eyes pleading, and watched as the same realization I just had dawned on them. “Couldn’t we all stay in the Shrieking Shack tonight? I want at least one good night with my closest friends.” I smiled sheepishly.

Everyone started sharing glances and then shrugging their shoulders.

“We could get Butterbeer and pumpkin juice,” Sirius said to James.

“And some food, too,” James added.

“I don’t need to know from where,” Lily announced in a way that said she knew already that the goods would be stolen.

“So you’re in?” I asked hopefully, gripping my broom tightly.

Five grins beamed back at me. “We’re in.”

***

Looking over the haul James and Sirius procured, it was clear most of it came from the Hogwarts kitchens and The Three Broomsticks. How they managed it so quickly and without being seen was something you weren’t sure you would ever figure out. While they were gone, Lily had revived he old fireplace and enchanted it so the smoke was actually coming out in the arctic. Somewhere penguins were very confused. 

We sat on blankets and pillows spread across the old wooden floor, in a circle with all the food and drinks in the middle. Blankets covered the window as blackout curtains, but we set up our wands like candles around us and the fire sent out an orange glow over the room.

“The two of you really stay here?” Lily asked, wiping her finger across the floor and frowning at the dust collected.

“Believe me, it isn’t the worst part of the night,” I answered with a shudder. In all the excitement it had been easy to forget that the full moon was barely a week away.

“It’s better than being out in the forest,” Remus added solemnly.

“Oi!” Sirius interrupted, holding up his Butterbeer bottle. “One of Lacelin’s conditions was a ‘good’ night with friends, so stop that depressing talk.”

“Agreed!” echoed James.

“You boys need to teach me some pranks for the new school,” I said, grinning lopsidedly at each marauder in turn.

“You, Lacey?” Lily was bemused, as was everyone else.

“Don’t plan to make it easy for them!” I announced and they laughed. If this had to happen, I wasn’t going to go willingly, at least.

“We’ll write you a marauder’s guide book,” said James.

“It’ll have all the classics!” Sirius amended.

“And what are you featherheads going to write on?” asked Lily just before sipping at her Butterbeer.

James looked around and then stood, moving over to the wall. He started scratching at it. “Help me, Sirius!”

Together the two of them peeled wallpaper from the walls and set about trying to use ash from the fire to write. Lily watched, nursing from her Butterbeer, and occasionally gave tips. Peter had climbed onto the bed in the room and passed out; he was snoring softly. Everything felt so right, just being together with all of them.

“You’re smiling.”

I turned my head to look at Remus. He sat beside me, and I just realized how close. Even though my heart did beat faster, I didn’t feel as nervous as I would have merely a couple of days ago. Now, I felt an urgency for him to know how I felt before I was gone, but I wasn’t far enough along to just blurt it out.

“I’m happy,” I replied. I knew I wouldn’t be later, but for now it was true.

Remus’s smile was soft and warm; I found it easy to look into his eyes. “For that, I’m glad.”

He continued to gaze at me like no one else was there, and I felt my cheeks grow hot. I suddenly remembered that he had received my letter and what was in it. I distracted myself by taking a deep swig of my Butterbeer, taking the short time to try to compose myself. It was now or never.

But when I turned back to look at Remus there was no time to speak, and nothing to say. He leaned toward me, our shoulders touching, and pressed his lips to mine. My mind exploded like fireworks, and the breath evaporated from my body. Lamely, I clutched the sleeve of his sweater, slightly tugging forward in an attempt to keep him there.

And then James and Sirius began to hoot and holler and we sprang apart, turning as red as the embers in the fireplace.

* * *


	13. Disposition

That night I slept with my head against Remus’s shoulder and his arm secured around me. I felt flushed with warmth from the generosity of my friends, the shared kiss—and several Butterbeers, of course. The dawn’s light filtering through the windows woke me. I felt groggy, like we’d been partaking in stronger drinks, but I felt content. 

I sat up slowly so I wouldn’t disturb Remus and looked around. In front of the fire, which was only smoldering embers now, Sirius and Peter slept with their heads together and their mouths hanging open; if one moved the other would fall. Turning my head I saw James and Lily laid back on the bed. The redhead had her head against his chest and it was rising and falling gently with his breathing. 

Being in no hurry to go to Hogwarts, I gently laid back down next to Remus, carefully placing my head on his shoulder. He shifted in his sleep, turning until his chin pressed to my forehead and I felt a blush cover my cheeks. Oh, how the teachers would be scandalized to find us in this state, as innocent as it may seem.

Remus grunted and shifted again. I felt lips against my forehead where he placed a gentle kiss and couldn’t stop a hum of satisfaction.

“Good morning,” he whispered sleepily. “I assume it’s morning?”

The two of us sat up straighter on the pile of blankets we’d crashed out on and Remus’s eyes scanned the room as mine had. He chuckled at Sirius and Peter but when he saw James and Lily he said, “James will be intolerable now.”

“He wasn’t before?” I smirked, feeling a rush of love toward the people in this room.

As if sensing my shift in thought, Remus gingerly took my hand and smiled. “No matter what happens, Lacelin, we are your friends. I promise. I won’t leave your side.” He flushed suddenly, seeming to realize what his words had just implied. “T-that is to say if you want me around,” he amended in a mutter. 

Smiling broadly, I leaned forward and placed a kiss against his cheek. “I would like that very much.”

His smile made my heart do somersaults.

***

Despite empty corridors, it didn’t take long for a teacher to appear and wrangle our group to their office. Professor McGonagall was quiet, her presence alone sufficient in keeping the group quiet, and me terrified. She sat us in her office with a sharp “stay here” and then marched briskly from the room.

All of us exchanged worried looks, Remus gave my hand a quick and gentle squeeze, but none of us dared to speak.

It was probably only five minutes later when McGonagall returned, but it felt like hours. The professor was accompanied by the headmaster, my parents, and—coming in last—my uncle.

Dumbledore sat at McGonagall’s desk and she stood beside him. Patricia and Phillip stood to his other side, but my uncle stood behind me, placing his large hands on my shoulders in a protective gesture. I noticed my mother’s lip twitch.

“Surely I do not need to impress upon you the seriousness of what you have done,” the headmaster began gravely, “but I will anyway.

“James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, and Lily Evans, you broke numerous school rules and endangered your safety and the safety of Lacelin Crill. You broke into private property and kidnapped—”

“I wasn’t kidnapped!” I blurted out, my heart pounding loudly in my ears.

Dumbledore looked unperturbed. “Miss Crill, allow me to finish.”

I pressed my lips together and felt my face flush anew.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. “Lacelin was unlawfully removed from her parents’ care.” He made eye contact with me over his half-moon spectacles, as if daring me to contradict him again. I bit my lip.

I dared a glance at my parents. They were looking particularly gleeful and it caused my blood to run cold.

“This cannot go unpunished, no matter how altruistic your intentions may have been.” Dumbledore leveled a look at James and Sirius in turn. “The rest of the term will be spent in detention.”

“Everyone except Miss Crill, come with me,” said Professor McGonagall. “Quickly.”

Reluctantly, everyone around me stood and filed from the room, looking over their shoulders as I watched them leave over the back of my chair. As soon as the door shut behind them the yelling started.

“You thought you could just lock your daughter away because you don’t want her?” shouted Howard Whibling at Patricia Crill.

“Mind your own family!” Phillip screamed back, a vein on his neck standing out like a great red worm under his skin.

“I think,” said Dumbledore, and even though he didn’t speak louder than a conversational level, everyone stopped and turned to look at him as though he had shouted. His eyes twinkled as he calmly regarded me. “I think we should let Lacelin tell us her side of the story. Start with getting the letter from your parents please, Miss Crill.”

I gripped my hands in my lap and swallowed. All eyes were on me now but this was my chance to speak and be heard, I wasn’t going to let anxiety hold me back. I started where the Headmaster asked, recalling the letter more accurately than I thought I could. I told the room about going to Professor McGonagall and how she said she couldn’t interfere. My mother interrupted here, shrieking—

“Exactly! And it applies now as well!”

“Be quiet, you harpy!” snapped my uncle. I stared at him. I wasn’t used to seeing him so angry.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, cutting off Patricia’s retort. “I believe it was at this time that I sent an owl to you,” he nodded his head at my parents, “and a note to you, Miss Crill. Please continue.”

I obeyed. I described going home, being caught sending letters, and my subsequent rescue. Reluctantly, I described our journey back as long. I left out the Shrieking Shack. When I was finished I looked up at Dumbledore. He seemed to be smiling slightly.

“There, you hear it from her own mouth,” Patricia clipped acidly.

“A confession,” agreed Phillip, leering at me, his only daughter. It was as if we didn’t share a drop of blood.

“Indeed,” Dumbledore chimed amicably. Patricia and Phillip exchanged surprised looks, and my gut twisted. “A confession of neglect and abuse from her mother and father.” All friendliness was gone now, replaced with a firm, reprimanding tone that slapped the elder Crills across the face.

Neither spoke, simply stared at the Headmaster with mouths hanging open. “Now,” continued Dumbledore. “Is it necessary for me to make the Minister of Magic aware of the nature of your promises to Marcia Spiderpots, or will you allow me to straighten this situation?”

My parents’ jaws hit the floor.

I looked to my uncle for answers and found him glaring at his sister with thinly concealed hatred.

“What did you promise to that woman, sister?” he questioned. “Did you tell her your new master would welcome her with open arms?”

“None of your business, Howard!” Patricia yelled and turned to Dumbledore. “Or yours, Dumbledore! Do as you will with the girl, she’s nothing but a disappointment and disgrace.”

Even though I had no love for my mother, her words hurt. My heart clenched and I felt a burning behind my eyes. Everything around me blurred into an incoherent mass of noise and color. Then someone was shaking me and the world came back into focus.

“Lace, are you all right?” my uncle asked, gripping my arms.

“Yes,” I said quietly, not trusting my voice.

“Did you hear what Dumbledore said?”

I shook my head slowly.

“I’m going to take custody of you, and you can stay at Hogwarts.” He watched her warily, as if afraid she would reject this idea. “Is that okay by you?”

I nodded eagerly. “Yes! I really don’t have to live with my parents anymore?”

Howard smiled despite himself. “Yeah, that’s right.”

It felt like I was dreaming.

***

When I returned to the Gryffindor common room I found Remus, Lily, Sirius, James, and Peter waiting for me. Remus stood as I entered and walked up to me, clasping my hands in his. My heart gave a little flutter.

“What happened?” he asked, looking caught between hopeful and worried.

I smiled at him, clutching his hands. “I get to stay!”

Remus pulled me to him in a hug that I eagerly returned. James, who like everyone else was watching us, said, “Oi! Want to let us in on it?”

I broke away from Remus and turned to them, still holding one of his hands. I smiled brighter. “I’m staying!”

There was a shout of glee and Lily leapt up to hug me as well. I sat down to tell her and Remus everything while James, Sirius, and Peter nipped down to the kitchens for some celebratory snacks.

Lily enchanted a music box to sing continuously like a commercial-less radio and soon a few students had awoken from their beds and come to see what the music and laughter was about. Before long, the common room was filled with pajama clad students munching on pumpkin pasties, downing Butterbeer, and dancing to the music box, which was now playing, “California Dreamin’.”

“I’ve never heard music like this,” I said honestly to Lily, even though I had heard quite a bit of muggle music while visiting the Evans household. “I really like it.”

“It’s American,” Lily replied brightly. “The Mamas and the Papas. Dad likes them.”

“My dad was a big fan of Mathilda Blockshot, that singer from the 30s,” said James with obvious distaste, rolling his eyes.

“My grandfather liked her too,” said Peter.

“I’ve never heard of her,” I said, and Remus and Lily nodded.

“James’s dad plays her records ALL the bloody time,” complained Sirius.

“You’re lucky,” James said to me, Remus, and Lily. “She has a droning voice, like…” He stood and cleared his throat, and then began to sing in a voice so deep I thought I could feel it vibrating in the furniture, “Iiiiiiiii ooooooooonnnncccceeeeee mmmmmeeeeeeettttt aaaaaa veeeeeeelllllllaaaaaaa…” He continued to carry out “veela” until his voice croaked and everyone laughed.

“Come dance with me, Lace,” Lily said suddenly and took my hand, pulling me up to standing with her. We moved behind the ouches and joined the other students dancing around the music box.

Professor McGonagall broke up the impromptu party around four in the morning. I was so relieved about the circumstances that I fell asleep quickly, a smile on my face. I had even forgotten about the detentions, and that the next night was the full moon.

* * *


	14. The Romping Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to ride this inspiration wave while it's here and crank this story out. I have ideas to stretch this all the way to the Battle of Hogwarts, in two separate stories. But I've also just started working as a manager so we'll see how longer this lasts.

**_Moonlit Nightmares_ **

**  
**  
Chapter Fourteen: The Romping Moon

Lily woke me the next morning. The dorm had already emptied of girls and when I looked at the clock it was well into breakfast. 

“Madam Pomfrey is waiting for you downstairs with Remus,” Lily said as I sat up and wiped the sleep from my eyes. When I looked at her with cleared vision I could see the worry on her face.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, my stomach falling like it was dropped off the Astronomy tower.

Lily looked incredulous. “Oh, nothing,” she said sarcastically. “My best friend is about to go through something painful and scary and I can’t be there for her, but why should I be worried?”

I frowned, unsure what to say. She was right, but I didn’t know what I could say to stop her from worrying, if that was at all possible.

Lily smiled suddenly. “Listen to me, when you’re the one who has to go through it.”

“I think I’ll get used to it eventually,” I said, more to convince myself than her. “But it is still a shock.”

“Well, don’t keep Madam Pomfrey waiting,” she said. Once I was dressed and had my things, Lily and I walked down to the common room. Remus and Madam Pomfrey were just outside the portrait hole. We all waved goodbye as Lily headed for the Great Hall and we went the other direction for the Hospital Wing. Remus smiled shyly at me and I returned it, my heart fluttering. Neither of us paid much attention to Madam Pomfrey as we walked along.

The day went much as usual, but the usual heavy foreboding I felt had dulled considerably. I did find it hard to focus on schoolwork with Remus just beside me, and often I caught myself gazing at him while he read or wrote, pushing sandy hair behind his ears, or chewing on the middle joint of his right index finger while he thought. It was during one such moment that something occurred to me.

I opened my mouth but closed it again, uncertain if now was really the time. But finally I decided to go for it. “Remus, can I ask you how you were bitten?” My voice was barely louder than a whisper but he was able to hear me.

He stopped writing instantly and looked up at me. At first, I thought he was going to refuse, and then he said, “I’ve never told you?”

I shook my head.

Remus set his quill in its inkwell and turned more bodily toward me. He was silent for a moment, and then began slowly, “I was almost five. The werewolf forced his way into my room while I slept. My dad was able to drive him away, but it was already too late.” He sighed, the memory obviously still quite heavy. “My parents tried everything to cure me. Nothing worked.”

I felt cold, and sick. He had been barely a child. “Who would do such a thing to a kid?” I whispered, holding back the lump wanting to form in my throat.

“Fenrir Greyback would,” Remus replied darkly.

I almost gasped. I didn’t expect to hear a name. “You know _who_ it was?”

He nodded solemnly. “My father works for the ministry, so when he told the minister he believed Fenrir deserved nothing less than death, he took offense.”

I swallowed the apology I was about to utter, feeling the words were too cheap. I struggled for something more meaningful to say.

But Remus removed the need by asking, “I know you were bitten over the summer. Will you tell me what happened?” 

My heart thudded as I summoned up the memories. It felt like it had both happened just last week and a very long time ago. “I go camping with my uncle and cousins, Maddy and Marta, every summer. Uncle Howard places protection charms on our campsite, but I snuck out in the middle of the night to go down to the river.” My cheeks flushed and I averted my eyes from Remus. “I…was skinny dipping when I was attacked. My uncle heard my screams and came running, fighting the werewolf off, rushing me to St. Mungo’s.” When I looked up at him again there was a twinkle in his eyes I hadn’t seen before, and he was smiling and blushing slightly.

“Skinny dipping?”

My face flushed so hot I thought my skin was going to combust, but I squared my shoulders. “Clothing gets in the way of a good swim.”

Remus’s smile grew and he reached out, cupping my cheek in one hand. For a moment he just gazed at me, gently rubbing the pad of his thumb against my cheekbone, and then he slowly leaned forward to kiss me.

I could hear my pulse in my ears, feel heat coursing through me in ways I had never felt before. I gripped his wrist on the bed between us, leaning into the kiss. His lips were soft, and the beginnings of a mustache tickled my lip.

Needless to say, our schoolwork went neglected for several minutes until finally we pulled away, smiling sheepishly with kiss swollen lips.

***

The first night of the full moon went mostly as usual. There were moments when I was aware and could move my wolfish form, but the hunger and rage that coursed through my veins both agitated and frightened me, and I blacked out once again. When I awoke I had new scratches on my body as usual, but this time I had marred my face.

Madam Pomfrey bandaged the claw marks along the right side of my head, cutting into my ear and nose and across my jaw. I had no idea how I would explain this to others, especially Jodie. It stung badly and made it hurt to speak. Remus was quiet and austere all day, so I didn’t have to try to talk much.

The second night I was aware for longer. The overwhelming feelings of aggression surged through me but I pushed back. I fought the blackness edging my vision, regaining control of myself.

I noticed the window, the moonlight shining through it, and was at it in a second. The full moon was high in the sky, unobscured by clouds or fog. I tried to resist the instinct to howl, but failed and slipped into darkness again.

On the last night of the moon I went in with a plan. I bore the transformation’s pain, urging myself to keep a hold of my senses. I focused on a knot in the wall, chanting to myself, “Embrace the wolf, don’t resist it, embrace the wolf, don’t resist it…”

When it was over the wolf’s madness rushed through me, but I was aware. It was like being awake in a dream. I saw the world through the wolf’s eyes, could feel the old wood peeling beneath my claws. 

There was a howl in the woods near the shack and I jerked around, ears standing up. The world was an explosion of smells and sounds, from the sunkissed grass rippling in a gentle breeze outside to the snuffling of a mouse in the walls.

The howl came again and I felt an inexplicable need to join the other wolf, who I knew was Remus somewhere in the back of my mind.

I looked around the empty room—I had long since entirely destroyed the lone armchair once present—and noticed my door was open. I bounded through it immediately. I tore through the woods, following a most interesting trail of scents with the other wolf, the alpha wolf. Sliding into a clearing, I stopped and stared ahead at the group before me.

If more of my human mind was in control I would have been at least confused to see a werewolf, a dog, a stag, and a rat—who sat on the dog’s head—all gathered together like it was the most natural thing in the world. But since it wasn’t, I merely set off at a run after them through the forest at top speed.

We crashed through bushes, hunted rabbits and gophers, and once ran along the shore of the lake splashing water, the glittering lights of Hogwarts beyond looking no different from the stars above. We ran and romped and wrestled, and when the moon began to drop below the trees we returned to the Shrieking Shack and collapsed upon the floor, panting and tired.

***

For the first time I was able to walk myself back to the castle the next morning. After a few hours in the Hospital Wing taking Madam Pomfrey’s usual cocktail of potions for strength and health, we were free to join our classmates for lunch. But first we went to the common room for showers and a fresh change of clothes.

Halfway there I decided to ask, “When did James, Sirius, and Peter learn to be animagi?”

Remus smiled at me, like he had expected me to figure it out and he only wondered when. “It took them several years. They finally managed it our fifth year.”

I nodded, considering the information carefully. “So…they learned to be animagi to join you during the moon.”

Remus’s smile was soft and fond, his gaze no longer seeing the hallway but instead all of the memories he had made with the others flashing before his eyes. “Yes, that’s precisely why.”

I was suddenly acutely aware of what good friends James, Sirius, and Peter were to Remus. I had been more privy to it all year and yet it was just now that I seemed to realize it. When had I stopped considering them nothing more than jokers? At some point in the last several months, I had come to consider the infamous marauders good friends.

I smiled up at Remus, slipping my hand into his as we walked along. He returned the expression, and squeezed my hand.

***

The cold moved in quickly over the next month, driving the students indoors during their free time. I got several questions about the scratches on my face, but Lily had been able to lessen the marks enough that a fall down the dormitory stairs mollified them.

Shaking Angelique was much easier now that our ruse was real. Once Remus and I had snuck a kiss between the bookshelves in the library and I turned to see the French girl marching haughtily away. She increasingly stole Lily away to talk, and while Lily wouldn’t disclose exactly what they spoke about, I had a feeling I already knew.

Quidditch practice was not much fun in the cold, but our match with Slytherin was fast-approaching. Jodie had everyone running through their paces until they were perfect, and then a little more. She was so fierce even James and Sirius were staying out of her way, especially after Jodie had found the dung bomb in the locker room. She’d thrown James, Sirius, and the dung bomb into the broom closet and locked the door. The boys smelled like poo for the whole week leading up to the game.

I wasn’t nervous about the game until the morning of, when I woke up with chest pain. I knew the pain was being caused by nerves so I laid still and breathed deeply in and out, my eyes closed. Slowly the tightness unwound and the pain went away, but it didn’t take all of the anxiety with it. Breakfast went by in a blur, in which I think I ate something and I think Remus said something to me, but before I really knew what was going on I was in the locker room, changing into my uniform. 

Jodie closed her locker and turned to me, grinning. “Are you ready, Lace?”

“I feel like I swallowed a pixie.”

Jodie laughed loudly, patting me on the shoulder with a heavy hand. “Just play your best and we’ve got this, all right?” She held up her hand in a thumbs up and winked. 

She was so corny I couldn’t resist a laugh, shaking my head slightly. “Yeah, all right.” She bounded off to gather up the team outside and I followed, starting to feel less nervous and more excited. 

Entering the field with the team was exhilarating. The crowd whooped and hollered, the stands a juxtaposition of a gold and red sea against a smaller green and silver one. The cheering was absolutely deafening, and the two Marauders were eating it up. Despite still smelling faintly of a recently used bathroom, James and Sirius waved to the crowd with award-winning grins.

The match went by in a bitterly cold bluster of snow flurries and red and green uniforms. My goggles continued to fog up and I had to wipe them quickly and repeatedly. Several times I cleared my vision just in time to deflect an oncoming bludger.

“A beautiful save by Jodie Foster!” shouted the commentator, Leland Jordan. “Gryffindor remains in the lead by fifty points!”

I heard the next bludger before I saw it, because my eye had just caught one of the Slytherin Chasers tailing Abby Middlefield, who had the Quaffle under her arm. I maneuvered my broom and struck the bludger. It whizzed so close to the Slytherin’s nose it was remarkable it wasn’t broken. He pulled up on his broom sharply and Middlefield soared ahead like she’d been fired from a cannon.

“Score by Abby Middlefield! Marlo Kellerbin was just too slow!” cheered Leland. Being a Gryffindor himself, it wasn’t hard to figure out who he was rooting for to win. “Gryffindor is still leading, seventy to fifty now!”

I didn’t like those numbers, the Slytherins were catching up quickly. I scanned the pitch, first locating the bludgers. I climbed higher, drawing the attention of one. Making a quick check of the Slytherin Keeper’s location, I readied my bat.

There was a deafening crack as bludger and bat collided. At the same moment James shot by underneath me, the Quaffle in his possession and two Slytherin Chasers on him.

The bludger found its mark, nearly knocking Marlo Kellerbin off his broom. James didn’t slow his broom as he approached the goalposts. He tossed the Quaffle through the hoop and swerved sharply, diving downward. The Slytherins pulled up on their brooms and almost collided anyway.

“WOOHOO!” I shouted, pumping my fist into the air. The rest of the team whooped back. I caught a flash of gold out of the corner of my eye and turned. 

Hovering mere inches from my nose was the Snitch, fluttering like a curious hummingbird. I sputtered and started to shout for Andrew as it shot away, but he had already seen it. 

“Quibby has seen the Snitch!” Leland yelled, his voice booming around the Pitch. My ears popped as the crowd’s cacophonous roar reached new volumes. All eyes were on the racing red streak that was Gryffindor Seeker Andrew Quibby. He was joined by a green blur, fast approaching.

“They’re neck and neck! Quibby is reaching for the Snitch…now so is Malfoy…it’s too close to tell and…and…QUIBBY GETS THE SNITCH! One hundred fifty points and Gryffindor WINS! Two hundred thirty to fifty!”

Boos rose from the sea of silver and green but was soon drowned out by the ensuing cry from the three other houses. I joined the rest of the team on the ground where we clustered around Andrew. James and Sirius lifted him onto their shoulders and led the way back to the locker rooms, Jodie fluttering around them asking “What are you doin’? I don’t trust you, put my Seeker down!”

Once changed I joined James and Sirius outside the locker rooms and we made our way up to the castle with the rest of the students still filing out of the Pitch. There was a shout and we stopped long enough for Lily, Remus, Peter, and—to my chagrin—Angelique, to catch up to us.  
Sirius immediately fell back to walk beside her, pushing his thick dark hair back with a smooth gesture. “What did you think of the match, Angelique?”

“Ew!” she cried, pinching her nose with one hand and waving the air in front of her away with the other. “You smell like caca!” And she relocated herself to walk on the other side of Remus.

I instinctively took his hand but did not say anything. He squeezed it.

“Surely you find such sport indelicate, Remus,” Angelique said in a pouty voice, holding the “e” out in his name like she always did. I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Could I wolf out when it wasn’t the full moon? “Next game ve should spend it together.”

“Actually,” Remus said quite calmly and evenly. “I thought the match was brilliant. Lacelin’s first match and she was an exceptional Beater.” He turned his head to smile at me and I beamed back, my heart skipping several beats.

Angelique turned down the next corridor we passed, snatching Lily by the elbow to drag her away with her. I had to suppress a laugh as she was carried away from the Great Hall and food with a look of despair.

* * *


End file.
